50!

If you are a facebook friend of mine, then you should know by now that I have reached my 50 pound weight loss goal as of today! I am extremely excited and terrified at the same time. It's taken long enough, and I am certainly glad to be at this point. Yet, now I know that the bar has to be raised. I still have 25 more pounds to go to make my "ideal" weight. Doesn't sound like much compared to 50, but many of you may be able to identify how hard it is to lose those last few pounds. I know that temptation is going to come at me hard these next few weeks, especially with the holidays rolling around. Why is it that they are all back to back anyway? Truly a dieter's curse!

It seems like it has taken me an awfully long time to get to this point. I've known a lot of people who have lost the same amount of weight or more in a shorter period of time. I was glad (and maybe a little envious)for them. However, now I know that the course I am taking is the one I need to take. I needed the extra time to discover the stuff that has been holding me back. I needed extra time to reflect on the person that I am, which I have come to find out is a pretty decent person. If I had been able to get to this point quicker, I would have missed out on how therapeutic this journey has been for my spirit, and I probably would have bounced back into old habits because I would not have fully appreciated the process.

I have just got to give my pastor, Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC a huge shout out(he may not even read this, but this is a testimony to all of my friends and family). Every week he comes with the word of course, but I don't know how God manages to line Pastor Furtick's word with the situations I am going through at that moment. We have begun a new study series on Hebrews 12. Today his focus was on the first 3 scriptures, but I scrolled down to Hebrews 12:11 which reads, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." I can't wait until we touch on this one. I just want to put it on a t-shirt and sell it! This applies to every area of my life, most specifically to weight loss. If anything takes discipline, it is sticking to a life long weight loss and management plan. Every step of the way has been painful, not just physically, but emotionally.

The other day, I was just having such a strong attack on my spirit. I was being snappy with my son and my husband. I left the house and went to work out. I then stopped by Wal-mart to look for something, but then I saw it...McDonald's! Now, I am not a big fan of McDonald's. But as a parent (and a busy one at that), I find myself frequenting this establishment on the days I don't have time to cook. The kid is happy,and I am relieved(and, just in case you are wondering, I do chose the healthier options for my child). On this fateful night, I really wanted something that was not so healthy. Torn, I walked through the store for about 30 minutes, trying to clear my head and think rationally about the bad decision I was about to make. I did go to McDonald's, but I got a small cup of low fat yogurt, and not the greasy chicken sandwich that I really wanted. A small victory in my eyes!

Pastor Steven hit on 4 points on why people just stop trying based on the scriptures. The last one, "We never realize how close we are to victory", hit me the hardest. I am definitely closer to victory than I was 8 months ago when I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself. My visions for myself: spiritual, mental and physical, are so much clearer now that I have gotten rid of the "weight". I bought a shirt at church today with a lyric from the song we sing which will always remind me of my struggles, but also remind me that there is hope. It reads, "I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me." The next line goes "My flesh may fail, but my God you never will."

Here's to brand new victories over the flesh everyday!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 50, yes five-zero baby!

When Everyone Is Okay With You but You

Me, Sept 2011

The last couple of weeks, I have been working hard to meet my 50 pound weight loss mark. It has been very difficult, coming off slowly, but physically I feel strong. Along with the weight loss comes the wonderful compliments from friends, coworkers and family. Believe me, I appreciate them all. At times, however, I feel a little awkward receiving them and I am at a lost as to how to respond. I have come a long way, but I am not yet where I need or want to be. Many have said I look great at the current weight I am at. My husband even jokingly (but,I think he was a little serious) said that he only wanted me to lose seven more pounds. He thinks I am beautiful just as I am at this moment in time. I have tried to explain to him that I have to lose what I feel is necessary to lose in order to feel like I really accomplished what I set out to do, which is to be at a healthy weight for life. I know how easy it is for people in my family to gain weight. I don't want to get to a point where I am too comfortable with myself thinking that the weight cannot creep on up again.

I think about the possibility of us having another child. I hope that this time around I will be at a better mental and physical state to lose the baby weight more easily if I get pregnant at a healthy weight. I just don't want to get into that cycle again. I know how easily stressed and frustrated I get at life when things don't go as I plan them. It is very hard for me to "go with the flow", which places me at a higher risk to be an emotional eater. I have felt at times as if I was a drug addict who hit rock bottom. Only a person who knows what it means to hit rock bottom, knows that it is at that point you start recognizing something in your life has to drastically change. Yet the demons, the temptations are always there in the midst of your triumphs. For a person who is fragile and new to recovery, the self doubt sets in, which begins the cycle.

I love that everyone is okay with the "new me". However, I want to be able to feel okay deep down in my soul. I don't want to feel like my confidence or body image is superficial. But I guess sometimes one has to create a facade in order to get through life, until that feeling of unwavering confidence completely shines through. With all that being said, I hope this didn't sound too depressing. This is just what I am feeling at the moment. Pray for me that I remember what God sees in me is so much greater than what I see, and he is never wrong!

Me, July 2010





WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 49 lbs! Almost there....

Something to Look Forward To...

I've come to the realization that in order for me to be satisfied with my life in every area, I need to have something to look forward to all the time. I discovered this some years back when I was planning my wedding.Planning was stressful because I am not a very detail oriented person, and I had some problems visualizing what I wanted my wedding to be like. As tedious as the whole planning process was, after the event was over, I felt like I was in "wedding withdrawal". My saturday would no longer be filled with trips to Garden Ridge for decorations, planning the food and guests list. I felt a bit of a void until my next adventure, motherhood , came along. For nine months I planned for this little person that would change my entire life. I imagined what he or she would look like. I even looked forward to the monthly then weekly doctor's appointments. When he finally arrived, I was in awe of his presence. The anticipation was over. I remember feeling a void as my identity shifted from being Sanpri, to Jason's wife, and now David's mother.

As I am embracing a new, healthier me, I have rediscovered that joy I once had looking for the next great thing to happen in my life. This "thing" can even be on a small scale(i.e painting my wall, "what will my picture look like on that freshly painted wall?") For the last few weeks, I have been training to run a charity marathon. Okay, so it's only a 5K. But then I think of how far I have come. I couldn't even walk a mile, and now I can run one. I look forward to everyday that I can work out to attain a new distance or improved time. I haven't felt this great physically in a long time.

The change in my physical appearance has given me a boost mentally as I start to feel more confident about who I am. I actually like to shop for myself now! I am grateful everyday I can wake up and make health-conscience decisions about my diet("pancakes or grapefruit and yogurt?"), my mental health ("I will not let that patient's family get to me today!"), and my physical health ("I think I can do the jump rope twice as fast today!"). At times, I have found my self worrying about what I will have to look forward to once I meet my goal weight. So, I made myself a big promise. Every January that comes around and I am five pounds within my goal weight, I am going to celebrate in a big way!


Everyday is a new challenge, a new beginning, a new journey. Everyday I look back over my mistakes(but don't dwell on them), and look forward to my victories!



WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 47 lbs ya'll! 3 lbs from reaching the next short term goal, 28 lbs from my goal weight!

What I Learned On the Other Side of the World

Well, it has been about 3 weeks since my last blog. During this time, I lost a couple pounds, gained them back, and I have been pretty steady at the same weight since the last time I shared with you all. While normally I would throw myself into a pretty big funk over not losing weight, I feel pretty good at where I am right now. I am not saying that I still don't want to meet my goal. I set off on this journey to finish what I started, and if it takes me 5, 10 years to get to where I ideally should be, then so be it. As long as I am making progress.

Anyhoo,while I was in Rome, I gained a new appreciation for life overall. A few observations of the city/country: 1. No one was particularly friendly. While there were some people who were helpful, no one really went out of his/her way to be extra courteous. 2. Central air:non-existent. Okay, it's pretty bad when only a few restaurants have air, and those that do make it a point to display this on their windows. Our hotel room, though cozy, was hot at times. 3. They do not give or receive money in their hands. Funny how I noticed this right away. I even think it may be an offense for your hands to touch during the exchange. 4. No one was particularly overweight. While Italians do enjoy their food and wine, they do a considerable amount of walking, which was to my benefit during my stay. 5. Italians think very highly of themselves. Now I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this. In fact, I admire this quality. The majority of the locals were very fashion forward. The artists and sculptors from medieval times paid very close attention to detail, and worked endlessly on their masterpieces until it was perfect.

Now that you have a little background of my experience in Italy, I will get to my favorite part. I loved, loved, loved the food. The flavors, the texture, the freshness. Dinner was my favorite part of the day, and not just because I was inhaling large amounts of food.The best part was after a long day of walking and sightseeing, I could sit down and really enjoy my meal. The servers were not in a hurry for you to leave their establishments. I guess they figure after you've had a few glasses of wine, you will continue to be hungry and order more food. Just being able to have a long conversation with my girls over great food and wine was relaxing and made the trip worth every penny. For those moments, I forgot I was trying to lose weight. I was just taking in the shear ecstasy of being in new surroundings. I remember our tour guide for the Uffizi Gallery in Florence explained to us how many artists liked to depict religious scenes to display the beauty of God, and how God is love. The human figures were by no means perfect.The idea was that they were perfect in the eyes of God. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, or the artist. The details that were captured in all the paintings, the subtle nuances, grabbed my attention.

I thought back to everything I have learned in my journey as a Christian trying to lose weight. I am not perfect, but I am a creation made out of love, the love of God. I have probably mentioned this before, but just knowing this makes me want to commit even more so to living healthy. I just feel so blessed that I was able to have this unforgettable adventure. Seeing the world from another view has definitely given me a wonderful new insight on how awesome God is, and the life he has given me!

WEIGHT LOSS: STILL HOLDING STRONG AT 44 lbs lost! If you have not, I recommend everyone visits somewhere out of the country, or even on the other side of the country. You will discover some amazing things!

I'm allowed to indulge a little, right?

This week I am hoping will be one of the most exciting weeks of my life. I am going to Italy! Among the sites and people, I know that there will be a lot of food! While I feel that I have emotional eating under control, for the most part, my biggest fear is eating just because food is there and I can. Part of me says, " I'm paying a lot of money to be on this trip, I might as well just go for it and enjoy it all". But the other part of me says "Remember, everything in moderation..." I've come so far over the last 6 months as far as my ability to overcome temptation, and I have been trying to push myself physically to feel better from the inside out.

I really don't want to allow one week to change the rest of my life in a negative way. Maybe I am being over dramatic, as I tend to be sometimes if you really know me. However, I am just trying to plan ahead. I am grateful that we will be doing TONS of walking, so hopefully most of the calories I consume will burn off quickly. I've also heard that Europeans eat smaller portions, unlike us frivolous Americans, lol. My mother told me that most of the people she observed while over in Europe were not overweight, and that things in general tend to be smaller. She also said that people seemed to be happier. I thought this was interesting.

Here in the United States, we have so much. We have to have the biggest cars, the biggest houses. We waste a lot of resources. Yet, a lot of people hide behind these material things to mask the unhappiness they feel about themselves. I know I have been guilty of this, which has in the past led down the path to unhealthy eating habits. So, the question is can I indulge without suffering the consequences? Well, let me put it this way: I am not going to consume anything that I am going to feel guilty about. I want to take in the whole scene of Rome and Florence, and there is so much more to Italy than food. I plan on indulging in the experience of being on another side of the world. When in Rome, I will do what the Romans do!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 44 lbs!

It's Time To Celebrate!!!

There was a time when I would walk by a mirror and not even look at it. I felt ashamed of what I would see. Using public restrooms to wash my hands and especially trying on clothes was very frustrating. As other girls would primp in the mirror, I was trying hard to avoid looking my self in the eyes,embarrassed to even look in the mirror's direction. I really don't know when this habit started, but I know it has denied me the right to celebrate myself for a long time.

Well, now I earnestly try to find things about myself that I truly admire everyday, regardless of whether I am having a bad hair day. I force myself to see what God sees, although I think God sees through rose colored glasses sometimes. "What is so beautiful about a short, stout black girl?" I would say to God. And there are times when He would whisper to me, "Well, Sanpri what isn't beautiful about a short, stout, black girl? Or a tall and skinny one for that matter? Who defines beauty to you? And why does your definition trump mine, after all I created you and I think I know what I'm doing" Once I brought myself back to God's reality, then I could appreciate the person, "the me", that He has made.

Today is my birthday! I am 30 years old and 39 lbs lighter since January 2011. I literally loss weight the size of my 3yr old! For the short amount of time I have been celebrating 30, I feel a little bit freer. I don't know what it is about reaching these age milestones, but you just feel like you can let go a little more and give less than a hoot about what other people think about you. This is a great feeling. I don't feel older, I just feel lighter in body, and in my mind. It's time to celebrate this awesome liberty!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 39 lbs! Thank you Lord for this day!

I Need A Grace Period!!!

Yep, sooooo I didn't update my blog last Sunday. It was a rough week. I don't know why but I have felt spiritually attacked lately. You know when your day starts off wrong, and then a domino effect just continues to shape your day, and not in a good way? Well, that was my day last Thursday. I thank God that I have several people in my life that are able to sow good words into me, because I almost lost it that day. Though I did not gain any weight, I did not lose any weight because I allowed one day to affect the progress I had made the previous week. I decided that I needed to take a mental grace period, so that I could get back on track.

As long as I keep living, I know that bad days will come. Giving my self a grace period after having a not-so-good day,helps me to refocus my attention on the progress I made thus far. A grace period for me means having to sit still and calm down. I need to really give myself a break,seriously. I am easily worked up,and easily frustrated about circumstances beyond my control. This is quite funny to me, because how much do we really control in the grand scheme of things? My current circumstances do not determine the final outcome. I still have so much more to look forward to, not just in weight loss, but life in general.

I find it extremely humorous how God is able to reveal himself to me so that I can push forward. First, he gives me an amazing mother who I can confide in, who listens and gives me honest feedback. Then, he gives me a husband who is brutally honest at times when I really don't want him to be, but I know that in most incidences it brings me back down to Earth. Finally, he leads me to an amazing ministry, in which every week there is a word that applies specifically to a situation I am going through. We had a guest speaker who is a New York Times best seller and member of my church. The take-home message from her sermon was how our reactions determine our reach. Reacting positive in a negative situation is hard, but it can really make a difference in the outcome.I am thankful that I was able to mentally check out for a period, count my blessings except my mishaps, and check back in to refocus on my overall well being.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 36 lbs. 5 more pounds until my next short term goal! Reward time!