Bliss!

April was a good month. The first two weeks I spent diligently preparing for one of my best friend’s wedding. I was so excited, probably more so than her (she was rather stressed, to say the least). I had never been in a wedding before(aside from my own), and I was the matron of honor. One of my responsibilities was to host the bridal shower/bachelorette party.
Out on the town!

The Happy Bride


The night was filled with good food, laughter, and some “passion” secrets. I also came to the realization that I am too old and too young to go out. We had a great time, but I don’t think the night scene is for everyone. We spent a lot of time dodging dirty old men who looked like their primary residence was the club! At some point you have to grow up. Partying that hard ages you. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to stay as youthful as possible! We are in our early thirties, which is an awkward time in adulthood. You are too old to hang with the twenty somethings, and too young to hang with the REALLY grown, sexy forty and up crowd. Be that as it may, my goal was for the bride to have a good time, and I think collectively as a bridal party we achieved that. The wedding itself was very beautiful. The bride looked gorgeous, of course, and as a first time bridesmaid I must say I felt very pretty. I think we all were grateful that she didn’t pick out anything that was unflattering or fugly (yes, fugly is a word, and I have seen plenty of attire that would fit this description!). I actually took time out to get lessons on how to apply my own make up. For an amateur, I think I did a pretty decent job .
Getting pretty!

I love that dress!I will wear it again!

As I was looking back through the pictures, I could not believe how toned I looked. I still feel as if I have a long way to go, but it was such a shock to see muscle definition in my arms and how skinny my neck was, lol(my husband says he can always tell that I am losing weight because my neck is the first to go). Though I was tired after the party, the rehearsal, and the wedding, it was a great weekend! I reconnected with old friends and celebrated the love between two great individuals.

I also managed to get in some good runs with a couple of girls from BGR Jacksonville. Oh, you didn’t think the whole weekend was going to be all fun and no work, did you? Two weeks prior to the wedding I went on a fast from chocolate, cakes, cookies, basically all of the foods that put me in my happy place. I knew that I was going to eat a little more than usual (and possibly drink a little, too). I wanted to make sure I had room to grow if necessary. We got back from a night on the town around 12:30 am. I was up at 4:30 am heading to meet a girl to run. I even got in my squats and dead lifts afterwards. On that Sunday, I met another friend and we took a scenic walk/run on the bridges in downtown Jacksonville early in the a.m. I lived in Jacksonville for 10 years of my life and I had never done this. The skyline is so beautiful early in the morning, and it was such a peaceful time. When I got home and weighed myself, I actually lost the couple of pounds I had gained. Although I love the Charlotte area, I always enjoy going back home to see my family. I need that type of familial love around me every now and then. Something about it rejuvenates my spirit. I also had to resolve that it may be the last time I see the house my mom and stepdad have lived in for the past 9 years because they are moving to Charlotte to be closer to me! However, I will continue to go back to visit my dad and other family members. My roots are in the Ville!



Jacksonville Skyline at 6 am

In other news, it is now the month of May. I am on to a couple of new challenges. The first is doing away with the scale. The thought of this terrified me. As I said in an earlier post, I tend to weigh myself on a daily basis as a way to keep my eating in check. I discovered that this habit was becoming very obsessive, and it was not necessary anymore because now I am aware of how my body should feel in certain clothes that I wear. At one point my legs felt very heavy, but they have increased in muscle tone because I have been doing like 1,000 squats a day. So as of now, it has been nearly a week since I looked at the scale. It hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. Actually, it has been very freeing! I am also on to a new exercise challenge to continue with toning my whole body so I can get sundress and tankini ready (no bikini, too many stretch marks!) I have been presented with an opportunity to blog about my experience with Black Girls Run during our second annual conference, which will be in Charlotte in September.

I will also let you all in on a kinda, sorta, secret(but I have said it before): We are in the process of planning for our second child! I used the word “planning” very loosely, because no matter how much you plan you can never be fully prepared. I say this also to solicit your prayers because we are both a little anxious and wonder how a second child will change our lives.I am also a little apprehensive because I am older now, my body, though healthy, is a lot different than it used to be. Being more active has shot my hormones all over the place. So, a major prayer is that this process will not be more difficult the second time around. I spoke my desire to the universe, but I know God's will will be done.Whatever happens, I count it all joy! By the end of this month, we will be ready to dive on in! lol. At least this time around, I am at a healthy weight and I plan on sustaining an active lifestyle as much as my body will allow. This month has felt like total bliss. I witnessed two great people be joined together for life. I took on some new challenges physically and professionally as a clinical instructor. I do have my stressors (work, people, etc.) but I am in a very happy place and anticipate so many wonderful changes to come. I am my happiest when I am being productive on my own terms, and helping others in the process.


Below is an excerpt from a personal letter I was asked to write to a teen girl encouraging and affirming her worth for a summit hosted this past weekend called “imatter”. I jumped at the chance to write it, because among one of my other aspirations is to be a mentor for a teenage girl. I certainly wished I would have followed my own advice years ago!
“…Take care of yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually. You can’t be completely healthy in one of these areas and not the other two, speaking from personal experience. At my highest weight (without being pregnant) I was 226 lbs. I was mentally exhausted from my job and trying to please other people. Spiritually, I was not where I needed to be. My relationships suffered because I was not happy with me. What good is it to have pretty hair and nails all the time if your body feels and looks like crap, and your life expectancy is only to 40 years old? You cannot do all the things in this life that God desires you to do if you don’t take care of yourself physically first. Losing weight (by exercising daily and eating right) was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now down to a healthy 150 lbs, I discovered a passion I never thought in a million years I would have, the love of running. At the same time I feel like I am doing God’s work and encouraging others to be their best selves, too. Maybe you aren’t overweight, but there is always room for improvement. Getting physically strong will give you mental clarity, spiritual freedom and help you to discover strengths you never thought you had. Getting in shape saved my life!”

Me feeling great!

It has been 8 months since I met my weight loss goal. Some plusses and minuses along the way, but keeping steady over all with new challenges monthly.

“If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you”—Fred Devito

The "Skinny" on What's Happening in My World

I find it almost hilarious that many people refer to me as "skinny". Recently, a patient referred to me as "that little skinny girl". A lot of my male patients tend to discredit my strength when they see me, saying, "Oh you are too little to be pulling on me". Granted, if a patient appears to be too much for me to handle, I always plan to have help readily available. Thank God for rehab techs! However, I get slightly irritated at the sometimes sexist way that my male patients (and sometimes even the female patients and family members) who assume that just because I am a "small" female, I can't pull my own weight and theirs for that matter. Okay, maybe I have a bit of a Napolean( or Napoleana, lol) complex. I also tend to get irritated at people who think that just because a female may be pregnant they are helpless. Our hospital staff has had quite a few visits by the stork lately. I know in some cases, you should take extra care when handling larger patients it you are expecting. However, when I was pregnant with my son, I worked well past my due date without many limitations and my doctor said that if I wasn't a high-risk pregnancy, there was no reason I shouldn't. And you know what, should I get pregnant again(hopefully in the very near future) I am going to exercise and work until the doggone baby drops! However, I digress...

Back to the word "skinny" in reference to muah. Well, it still comes as a shock to my system. When I look in the mirror, I see someone healthy, not skinny. According to my husband, I still have curves where they are necessary, so as long as I don't lose those, he is A-OK! However, it got me questioning something. At what point is a person considered "big"? Is that solely up to society and the media to decide? Is it solely your BMI that determines whether you've hit the big "O" (obese)? Technically,I guess I could still be considered overweight for my height, but I never really thought much about my weight in terms of that. I have known many women who may be considered "big" who live relatively healthy lifestyles. Just look at your "plus" size models. The media describes "plus size" as someone who is at or above a size 8...which is what I currently am. Seriously? So I am getting mixed messages...am I skinny or big? Well, my answer is, I am perfectly imperfect: I am the perfect size for me in this very imperfect world. I figure, as long as I am striving to be my healthiest, that is just going to have to be acceptable. I carry a little card with some photos of me on my 29th birthday, when I was at my heaviest. I have shown the photos to people who could not believe how heavy I was, and they just about fell out. Heck, sometimes I have to look twice to make sure I am looking at the same person. Back then, I was breathing heavier, snoring louder, emotionally eating, whining about how yucky I felt about myself. And then I decided to make a change...

So, I have been keeping myself REALLY busy these days, hence why it has been over a month since my last entry. Usually I will start a draft of a blog and come back to it several times, because I might not be feeling it at the moment. Catching up since I last blogged, I ran my 2nd Half Marathon, The Run with Donna for Breast Cancer Awareness in Jacksonville Beach Florida back in Febuary. It was an AMAZING race! My husband and I had such a good time together...I was so happy he was with me. I actually PR'd and beat my last time by 7 minutes! It was so inspiring to see survivors out there running the race, and men out there in pink skirts (which may have taken the concept a bit too far, lol) The crowd was awesome. Though it was cold, people came out of their beautiful beach homes and cheered us on. My favorite part was the one mile memorial run on the beach. I had never run on the beach before, and had it not been slightly uncomfortable, I wish I could have run longer on it before the path veered back onto the street. It was a serene scene. I also just LOVED the big hill at the end of the race. The wind was blowing,and I sooo wanted to give up. But I only had one more mile, and I was not about to stop on that darn hill! I saw my king at the bottom of that hill and he had a look of sheer pride(which meant he had gotten over having to get up with me at 5am to get me down to the race on time)! He kills me because he says I am a nut because my face just lights up when I talk about running, more than anything else I talk about. He has no interest in ever running 13.1 miles, but he loves that I am so passionate about it!



My Bling!

This month, I participated in my first marathon relay in Columbia,SC with some girls in my Black Girls Run group. We had a great time of fellowship with ladies in BGR chapters from Atlanta, Columbia, Raleigh and many other surrounding cities. The mishaps at the beginning of the race were comical, being that I was the 2nd leg and was late getting to my stop. Not only was there a train holding up our very crowded little preschool bus, some people had to switch buses to get to our location because it was overcrowded, which was a ten minute wait. Other racers had to hitch rides with perfect strangers. I got to my stop about 20 minutes after my first leg partner got there. She was waiting on me, and I should have been waiting on her! Anyhoo, we hurriedly switched off the bib when we saw each other. The run itself was beautifully challenging, if you could understand that description. It was full of hills, and one big "Oh Jesus" hill toward the end of my run. I finished in the time that I planned which 8 miles in 1:20, and we collectively finished in under 4:40! Good times!



My Awesome Relay Team

I am also in the process of trying to get a standing run established in my area of town. Black Girls Run Charlotte has several "Standing Runs" which are conducted by a run coordinator, and usually held at the same time/same day every week,at the same meeting spot for the most part. However,before your run becomes an official standing run, you have to host many unofficial runs with a good amount of people consistently present at each run. I had a challenge on my hands. I live in a town called Monroe, about 20 miles outside the city of Charlotte. The population is mixed, but I would say there are more Caucasians and Hispanic people than African Americans in this area. However, each week on our BGR Charlotte facebook page I would post when I would be running in the area and invite other ladies to join me. My schedule is crazy during the week, with my son and work. The only time I could run with a group is if they ran early in the mornings on the weekends. I have a partner that does long runs with me on Saturdays, but I wanted to encourage people in my area to start running. I just knew their had to be SOME black girl other than me running in this part of town! Slowly, I started getting responses. Now, my personal schedule has gotten more routine, and I have held several unofficial runs on Sunday mornings at 6am. We have had about 6 or 7 ladies come out, which makes me ecstatic! I am also encouraging all ladies in the area to participate in my local gym's first 5K in May. I want to spread the word in my area about how this group is really changing the lives of African-American women, and I feel that our presence at this race is crucial!



A couple of the girls in my area who run with me

In other news, I am also prospering in the workplace, having just celebrated my 4th year at Carolina Specialty Hospital. I am also a first time clinical instructor, which has proven not only to be a learning experience for my student, but for me as well. My lifelong goal is to teach in the college setting, and now I am getting a taste of what that may be like. I still continue to lead a small group at church, which has just been my peace, really! Getting together with these women helps me to stay grounded and feel blessed that there is a loving God!

Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode because I have so much on my plate. But then, I also feel like God is really trying to push me out of my comfort zone now that I have proven to myself that I can win the weight lost battle. I feel He really wants me to step out as a strong leader, which I have always tended to shy away from. I am just praying that when He says the word "go" I won't be hesitant to follow His lead. I think losing the weight, and living a healthy lifestyle has given me the confidence to pursue these things wholeheartedly. When I think of my life, I think of this old song we used to sing in my home church, "I Am A Living Testimony". I finally feel like I have a life worth talking about and I hope that my story helps others jump out of their comfort zones!



I am still holding 150 lbs strong 6 months after hitting my goal weight!

My Prayer for Disciplined Consumption

"Dear God,
This month you gave me an opportunity to fast for 21 days, and draw my strength from you. During this time, I learned many things about myself. I learned about what role food plays in my life, and most importantly, I learned that your grace knows no bounds. Your grace pours continuously over my life like a waterfall. It has been refreshing having this intimate time with you. The first few days of fasting dairy, meat, sweets, and refined/enriched pastas/grains, I felt so puny. I noticed that I was having trouble keeping my breathing in sync with my runs. I felt slow and powerless with my strength training. However, what I soon discovered was that my reliance on my physical power was trust misplaced. I was depending on food for energy and strength, when I really should have been depending on you.

Yes, food is important. It is a catalyst for many biological processes to occur in our bodies, but it is NOT our true energy source. Food does not awaken me in the morning, nor does it motivate me to get up at 5 am on Saturdays to run when I could be asleep. Once I realized this, I started to refocus and remember your promises. During this time, I also started to read the book of Daniel. I have read this book many times before. I love Daniel. He was such a visionary, a non-conformist. Even in the midst of captivity, he trusted in you to rescue him in times of trouble and to provide him with impeccable wisdom. He did not indulge in pagan pleasantries. He ate of the earth and proved to rulers that you did not have to feast on carnage to be strong. After a few days into my fast and meditating on your word, my strength began to rise. I felt renewed. I won't say that the fast was without its challenges, which I am quite sure the Devil threw my way. There were baby showers and work celebrations that featured some of my favorite foods. People would ask me to "Have some" and I would have to kindly refuse.I received many an odd stare from people who have told me I didn't need to lose any more weight, not understanding my purpose for not partaking of certain foods. My husband and son were still eating what they wanted too, as I ate a plate of vegetables. Yet I remained disciplined because I did not want to break my promise to you, and you were the one who carried me through when temptations got strong.

Although consumption of food is one of the most pleasurable experiences one can have, I now know that I can do without certain foods and be content. I can truly see how wasteful I was being, when there are people in this world who would be content with just a corner of a plate of food I inhale on a daily basis. This fast was not about losing weight, it was about gaining insight about your plans for me this year. I know that this will be a year of stability for me financially and personally. I have managed to really stick with something long enough to see the results. I am excited about opportunities to reach new goals. I thank you Lord, for using me to help my husband to also see the benefits of fasting on his own. Although he only fasted for two days, he too learned what it took me 21 days to discover. Even though I am not fasting any more, there are certain rules I still intend on following (i.e dairy free fridays, meatless mondays,sweetless sundays) just to remind me that I need not to indulge in food just because I can. I need to draw closer to you, because it is what you have called me to do. YOU are my energy source.

In your son, Jesus' name. I thank you."

Amen

2012: A Look Back

Wow! It has almost been two years since I decided I needed to make a right turn toward better health for good! I must say, I am very glad to see the holidays go. Although I always enjoy the family time and food, these times are also the Devil's playground for people on a weight loss/maintenance journey. The holidays are a stressful time, good or bad stress. When I am stressed, I tend to navigate toward unhealthy foods. Fortunately, thanks to a pretty routine running and weight training schedule, I managed to keep my weight under control. I have gained a couple of "happy pounds", but I plan on getting those off quickly in the new year. I recently took a visual inventory of myself, and I am "getting to happy" with what I see. I am not skinny, I am not fat. I am strong, toned, and retaining my femininity at the same time. This past weekend, I ran the fastest I have ever ran a 6 mile run, about 9 minutes and 40 seconds a mile. It was an awesome feeling!

Most of us are reflecting on the joys and sorrows, the triumphs and losses of the year right about now. A tradition I deeply miss is being able to go to my hometown church, Mt Vernon Missionary Baptist in Jacksonville, FL on New Year's Eve. There was always tons of singing, testimonies, and reflection on those members who have gone on to glory. A few minutes before midnight, we would all get on our knees and pray. Then the pastor announces the New Year! It was such a good feeling to be in a place I felt safe and loved. Although I won't be home for New Year's this year, I plan on getting on my knees five minutes before midnight, and thanking God for the blessings and the trials he has brought me through this past year. For those of you who may not be super religious, forgive me for my constant references to God. I love Him sooo much, and I have to give honor to the One who has brought me through. Bear with me! :) Below are some of my highlights from 2012:

1. In March 2012, ~ 2 weeks before I was scheduled to run my first 10K in Charleston, I fell and hurt my knee while trying to keep a co-worker's child from hurting himself. Praise God, I did not break anything. With determination and training, I was able to run most of my race without hurting, and despite being in a minor car accident the night before the race. The Devil was defeated that weekend!

2. I ran a 5K my birthday weekend in July in St. Augustine, with some wonderful friends of mine. I PR'd too, beating my last 5K time by about 8 minutes!

3. I had to put my beloved car, Terra (2005 Nissan Xterra) to rest. I was so blessed to have her car payment free thanks to my family for 7 years, without any major problems until this year. Now, I have a car payment :(. I am thankful for provision and being able to pay it on time!

4. I got to go to New York (finally!) for the 1st time with my mother in May. I believe it is probably the most memorable trip I have had with my mom. She had a lot of energy, and because she was raised there, she knew the city well. I ran the Brooklyn Bridge(it is only a little over a mile long)! I got to see my first Broadway play, on Broadway (A Streetcar Named Desire). We navigated the subways, streets and burrows like pros. We walked for miles daily, and it was such a great adventure. New York is not the prettiest place in the world, but there is something about it that I absolutely loved; a rugged charm, perhaps? I can't wait to go back hopefully in the coming year!

5. I met and continue to meet up with a great AP (accountability partner) through my association with Black Girls Run. She is a healthcare professional, with a big family and busy schedule like myself. She is one of the few "nuts" willing to get up with me at 5 in the morning on a Saturday, in the freezing cold to run. And I am a better runner because of her.

6. I participated in the First Annual Black Girls Run 10 K Race and Conference in Atlanta in September. It was an awesome experience with some beautiful ladies from all over the country celebrating our health and also benefitting the homeless. I also PR'd in this race, beating my last 10 K time by 12 minutes! I can't wait until this year's conference. I am sure it will be an even greater success because the word has spread like wildfire that Black women are on the move!

7. I reached my weight loss goal of 150 lbs in September! It only took about 20 months to do it with hard work, change of habits, and prayer!

8. I got to speak at a running buddy's church in October, along with two other ladies, about my weight loss journey. It was a very humbling experience. I had to show pictures of my old self, the self I still sometimes see in the mirror but it is just an allusion. I prayed that I at least helped one lady want to change her life in a positive way. The Church needs to not only be a place for spiritual well being, but all around health as well. I hope to continue doing events like this in the coming year.

9. I celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary in November. It is always a miracle to me that we made it another year (joking!) I have developed a fierce love for my husband over the years, especially this past year. I am so proud of the changes he is trying to make as a person, and we are really developing a new found passion for one another. Very grateful!

10. My beautiful baby boy David turned 5 one day after our anniversary! I can't believe it...I still remember the day he magically appeared in my world(well, it might not have been magic, more like science, with a whole lot of God mixed in). He is the product of a love so deep, and I am so proud of him!

11. I ran in my first half marathon in Huntersville, NC in 2 hrs 22 minutes, beating my goal of 2 hours and 30 minutes! Yes, I am still amazed. I proudly rock the "13.1" sticker on the back of my car, because I earned it! I just started running last year and could hardly run a 5k. Now I plan on doing 1 half marathon every 3 months!

12. I got to be apart of a spirit filled Christmas at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I handed out bibles to people who were giving their lives over to Christ. I also got to pray with some people, too. You'd be surprised what a big impact a little prayer can make. It was wonderful to see whole families and kids stand up and declare a new life for themselves. A very emotional moment!

This list is only a fraction of what God has done for me over the past year. There are so many things He does behind the scenes. There is so much prep work involved to get me ready for the next blessing, the next trial. 2013 will also be the second year I am participating in the Daniel Fast. For two weeks I will be "eating clean": no additives, no dairy products, no flour enriched products. The diet consist of mostly fruits, veggies, water. I will also be taking a hiatus from certain distractions (i.e facebook, with the exception of communicating with my BGR family about running events). During this time, I just pray for focus and direction from God. I have so many goals for 2013, which I will go into detail in the coming months. I am already looking forward to being a Matron of Honor for the first time, paying off debt, my parents moving closer to me, starting a weight loss small group in the summer through my church, and hopefully expanding my family;)

Stay tuned, the adventure is getting to its climax....Happy New Year, and again, thank you all so much for sharing this journey with me. It is your encouragement and love that keeps me fueled and ready to take on the next challenge!

Because I Earned It!

Last weekend, I participated in the Presbyterian Huntersville Holiday Half Marathon in Huntersville, NC. This was my first half marathon, and I finished in 2 hours, 22 minutes and 37 seconds! My goal was to finish in 2:30! A big WOO HOO to me! It was a great run on a great day. The weather was perfect, not too cool. The route was a scenic, hilly route through very nice neighborhoods in the area. I felt kinda sorry for the inhabitants of the homes. I know they probably were not too keen on the idea of over 1000 people running through their hood. However, a lot of people came out of their homes and cheered us on, which was pretty cool. Before I get into more detail on the race, I am going to list some fun facts about my big day:

Me, after the big finish!



Pre-Race Dinner: Chicken Alfredo with broccoli, mushrooms, whole wheat pasta, small sweet potato.
Pre-Race Night Prep: Outfit laid out, along with post race emergency kit (ibuprofen, water, towel). Hot bath in epsom salt and oatmeal soap with a green tea candle to set the mood, a few minutes on the foam roller to loosen muscle kinks, my nightly routine of watching Everybody Loves Raymond.
Hours of Sleep: about 4.5. I really wanted to get 6 hrs. I fell asleep in the tub, which was so relaxing. But, I was pretty restless most of the night
Pre-Race Snack: about 2 am when I couldn't sleep, I ate a small amount of strawberry greek yogurt with honey.
Pre-Race Breakfast: At 5 am, I made some whole wheat pancakes with bananas and walnuts, syrup, green tea with honey and lemon.
Pre-Race Meditation: Prayer for injury-free run. I asked God to send the perfect verse to meditate on for this occasion. This is what he gave me: Proverbs 16:3: Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
Time leaving the house: 6 am. It takes about 1 hour to get to Huntersville from my house. I wanted to get there in plenty of time.
Highlight of the Race: Finishing!!!
Post Race Reward: Pasta with Chicken at one of my favorite spots, Firebirds. Napped for 2 hours.

There were several moments of the race I felt inspired. My first observation upon arriving to the race site was that there were not a lot of African Americans participating in this race. Maybe it was the time of year. However, I would assume that running is an activity primarily dominated by Caucasians in America. Until I joined Black Girls Run, I would not have thought as many of us were out in society running. Of course, I had to represent with my "Black Girls Run Charlotte" tee so that people would know we are not a myth. I got a few compliments, too. The 3rd place winner of the race in the female category was actually African American. She finished at some ridiculous time like 1:30 or something like that.


My second observation was the determination of these runners. I finished in the 800s. I don't think I was going very slow, I just think the other runners were very fast! Usually when I run in these events, I try to keep up with one person to help pace my run. There was a girl who I started to run beside. She may have been about my age, about 4'11 and 160-170 lbs, which would be considered overweight in our society. I kept up with her for about 7 miles, then she got further and further ahead. She was getting it in! She was so focused, and had a great pace. Another runner, a guy, was running along with me about the last 5 miles of the race. It was hilarious to me because it was almost as if he was competing with me. He would run a little, then stop to walk. I kept my pace, never walking. When he would see me pass him, he'd hurry and pass me. Then, as we got to the finish line, he shot past me, like "Oh, I am not going to let this chick beat me". I will let you in on a little secret, I let him go ahead!

Me, heading to the finish line. The guy behind me was trying real hard to keep up!



The third observation was really a moment of reflection. Was I actually running a half marathon?! I wasn't the first to finish, and I wasn't the last to finish. But I was a winner! I was triumphant! I didn't pass out or had to be carried off the course! There is a time that I suspect every runner experiences in the midst of a run when you start thinking, "Why in the world am I out here running? I could be doing something else, seriously!" This question came to me oh, about mile 8 when I was charging up one of the many inclines of the course. My butt was killing me, my calves were tightening up, but I didn't stop. Why? Well, I guess I have been a quiet fighter all my life. People have hurt me, I have gone through some serious events that for the longest I would internalize. The result of this would be stress induced over-eating because I was fearful of facing the people or circumstances that hurt me. Running gives me a sense of control and release. To make this more tangible to me, I think of it like this: during a run I practice controlling my breathing but at the same time I am releasing stress. Participation in a race and finishing it is like being victorious in a battle. All of the preparation, the tears, the pain, brought you to this pivotal moment.

Me with my medal/Christmas Ornament(the medal was actually a Christmas ornament), but we got some nice shirts and hats!



Roger D. Joslin, the author of "Running the Spiritual Path" states that "Here, in this activity(running)primarily thought of as simple recreation, lies the possibility of re-creation; creating, with God, a different way of relating." I am a better person, a stronger person when I run. It is a time when my mind is a blank slate, for God to impress a spiritual truth to me that I may not otherwise hear at other times in my life.Running this race was the equivalent of earning my college degrees. Okay, so I didn't pay 60 grand to run it, but the feeling I had when completing it was the same. Getting through this race was as mentally challenging as it was physical. I had to study, I had to practice, I had to concentrate. The race was the test. Never did the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," mean more to me than when I was running this race. God has given us unlimited ability to do so many things. We miss opportunities because we doubt his strength that is working through us. I finally managed to tap into His power source to achieve my goal.

First Half Marathoner's Club: 3 of us ran the same race, the other young lady ran a half in Jamaica!


Every race is special to me. They are constant reminders of the inner strength and physical power that I possess. It doesn't hurt that I get medals, and a 13.1 car magnet for a half marathon! Don't judge me...it's the little things that make my day. And I EARNED this!

Bragging rights!

Confessions

October and November have been busy months. I got a chance to speak at a church and share my weight lost journey with a group of ladies. The experience was humbling. I shared a picture of me at my heaviest 2 years ago. It was surreal to look at myself. Sometimes, I still feel like that girl, and I don't believe what I see in the mirror today. Needless to say, I still need to work on my self-image. However, it is so much better than it used to be. A lot of people I know are doing this "30 days of Thanks" activity. I have a lot to be thankful for. I recently celebrated seven years of marriage. I am thankful that my husband is an encourager,and he says I am beautiful everyday.We have been through and shared so much. I am grateful that he has been apart of my journey. My son just turned 5 and he has the most amazing spirit. God is truly working in my life. I need all 365 days to thank Him, and I try my best to do so. There is something about this time of year that stirs up a myriad of feelings: happiness, joy, sadness, expectation, anxiety. I tend to get very reflective around this time, thinking about things I did right, things I did wrong, things I never should have attempted. Well, I guess now would be the most appropriate time to make a few confessions. 1. I am still struggling with my weight. I have lost the weight, and I have been maintaining it for the last two months. Yet, I fight constantly to resist the urge to make unhealthy choices. I give myself freedom to splurge occasionally, but I realize that sometimes a little bit of freedom can be too much for me. I have overindulged on a few occasions, most recently, my anniversary. Most people would say I did pretty good with my menu choice. We went to Bonefish Grill, one of my favorite places. Aside from the bread, the bang bang shrimp, and key lime pie, I'd say I did pretty good with the salmon, asparagus and side salad. Yet, I felt extremely guilty. I knew I was going to work it off the next day, so why was I feeling so bad? Will this "guilt" be something I struggle with for the rest of my days? Then, it occurred to me. Maybe I should not be resisting the urge to eat what I want so much, but resist the urge to feel guilty afterwards. Accept responsibility for making one of the few poor choices I may make on a weekly basis, enjoy the moment, and move on. 2. I still weigh myself, everyday. Some people may think this is a bit obsessive. For me, right now at this point in my journey, it is necessary. Like I have said before, my goal is to stay +/- 2lbs away from 150lbs. If I hit 152.9, I am in danger (at least in my mind) of spiraling down hill fast. I know, it is crazy, it is stupid, but that is how I feel. I kick it up a notch when the scale is not in my favor. 151 is my happy medium. 3. I am tired. I have put so much effort into losing weight, exercising and eating right, that sometimes I am too tired to do other things, like spend quality time with my family. I need about 12 more hours in a day to accomplish everything I need to do. My husband sometimes will get upset with me because I fall asleep as soon as he gets home. Part of the reason is that I feel safe and comfortable when he is there, the other part is, I AM DOG TIRED! Between being on my feet all day at work, then coming home, working out for an hour, and spending a little time with my son before he goes to bed, I feel I have nothing left to give. Trust me, I am working on this. The Mr. has to be happy, and I don't like it to get to the point when he has to say something for me to change. Does this mean I will stop working out, no. Will I make an effort to take more naps before he gets home, certainly! 4. I sing to myself when I run. Because I don't run with music, I have to keep myself going when the journey gets tough. Recently, I have been suffering from right heel pain. I have altered my running technique, which has help, but right around mile 8 (I am training to run a half marathon), I begin to really feel it, to the point that I want to cry. Recently, I was running with my running partner. She is amazing! She listens to music, and she is pretty fast. We usually run strong together until I get to that point when I begin to feel the pain, and I usually fall behind. On this run, I had fallen about a quarter mile behind her. I was getting frustrated, and I almost started to cry. But instead of crying, I cried out to God to help me finish. I started singing any gospel song I could think of(I am a pretty good singer, but when I am hurting and in pain, not so much, lol). I also kept my gaze to the sky. I almost forgot about the pain, and just focused on finishing. I did finish, 11 miles in just over 2 hours. My goal is to finish my half marathon (13.1 miles) in 2.5 hours on December 8th. I think me and God got this! I often here that confession is good for the soul. If you've never tried it, you should. Just today, at the end of our church service, a group of people came on stage one by one and held up banners of confession. One lady had a banner that said, "I struggled with food". On the back of the banner, it said something like, "Now I have the love of the Lord, and lost 140 lbs". Of course, I was crying my eyes out! I think every person in that church could have stood on that stage with a banner with a deep confession. Confessions not only free your spirit of burden, but they provide an opportunity to help others who may be going through the similar experiences. Don't ever underestimate the power of your confessions/testimonies. What may seem trivial to you can be a relief for someone to know that others are going through the same situation.

Maintenance: The REAL WORK Begins!

It has been almost a month since I've met my weight loss goal(finally!!!) of 150 pounds. So, I made it! Yaaay! Now, starts the real work: maintenance! Since, I know that one cannot possibly be exactly 150 pounds all the time, I have made it my mission to stay plus or minus 2 lbs of my goal weight. This allows for a little freedom to cheat if I really wanted to, for those "times of the month", and if I am sick. I am very thankful that I am getting good at this running thing, because I really credit running to keeping my weight down; When I look in the mirror, I feel healthy, strong and dare I say it, SEXY! It is good to know that no matter the weight loss, I've still been able to retain my curves, which was of great concern to my husband:). However, maintenance is not easy. It is like walking a tight rope. You want to make sure you don't lean too much to either side, or you just might tip over, and subsequently have to start over. Lord knows I do not want to go down that road again. It definitely helps to be apart of groups with like-minded individuals who are on the same journey as you are. I always welcome fresh ideas to keep me motivated, especially when it comes to food and exercise. I've even considered going vegetarian, but my extreme love for seafood and chicken won't allow me to do so. I do practice the occasional meatless day, which I've realized is not that hard to do and is actually cheap to do as well. I have a strong love for beans, avocado, sweet potato, and now butternut squash. I also cut out sweets a couple of days during the week, though for some reason, this task has not been so easy the last few weeks. I anticipate as the holidays come around, eliminating sweets will be even harder. Co-workers and patients' families will be bringing in all kinds of goodies, sit them smack dab at the nurses' station, and I have to pretend like I don't see them! It is torture, I tell you. Yet, I have proven to myself over and over again that I have the will power to resist, and for the most part I shall. I have found that deprivation is actually more detrimental than just allowing myself the freedom of moderation.

September was a great month! I participated in the first Black Girls Run sponsored 10K race in Atlanta, Georgia, which also benefited the homeless. In case you were wondering, a 10K is 6.2 miles. I finished in record time too(well, my records). My last 10K was in March, and it took me 1:17 to finish. This race only took me 1:05 to complete. Believe me, this last race was a challenge. I was born and raised part of my life in Atlanta, but I never knew it was so hilly! Maybe because I never tried to run them before :). The whole race weekend was fascinating. There were beautiful Black women from all over the country(even a few white women, wearing Black Girls Run t-shirts as a matter of fact, lol) coming together for a great purpose: to show the world we can be healthy too!. The guest speaker for our banquet, Mrs. Ernestine Shepherd, was phenomenal! She is dubbed the world's oldest body builder at the age of 75. However, when you look at her, you don't see old, you see FABULOUS! She was very gracious too, and to think she just started hard core training at the age of 71! The weekend was not overshadowed with any discord or drama, just wonderful ladies having a great time together in the name of health. My beautiful cousin, Shekita, got up early with her two little ones and came out to support me. She was so inspired to see all of us, women who looked like her, out there doing our thing. I think the take home message for me was that no matter what size you are or how old you are, you can always have a new beginning. By taking a step towards a healthier lifestyle, you can change the trajectory of the quality of your life. Below, me and Mrs. Ernestine. I am going to blow this up and put it on my wall. My shero!

Indria(in the picture),one of my roommates during the trip, recently asked me to speak about my journey at her church this month. I am no stranger to public speaking, but I have never really had to speak about myself in front of people. Although I am a little apprehensive, I am embracing this opportunity and I am ecstatic that she felt my experience was worth sharing with her church family. The opportunity couldn't come at a more appropriate time, as I am in the midst of completing a study of my pastor's book, GREATER. One of the central points of the book is to "think big, but start small". I have always wanted the opportunity to live and share a life that others can learn from. Maybe my blog and this speaking engagement are my opportunities. I can't tell you all enough how blessed and grateful I am. Though fear is always trying to creep through the back door of my mind, I keep pushing it back out. I feel like I am rising to the climax of my life story.... And so my next task begins. At the current time, I am training for two half marathons, one in December and one in February. I often joke to my running buddies that all I want is a bumper sticker to put on my car that says "13.1". Seems silly, but it is so symbolic of the significance of my quest for healthy living. Today, I am going to push myself to do 12 miles. We shall see. If you live in the Charlotte area and you see a girl in a hot pink shirt laid out on the side of the road, just keep passing her by. Don't worry, she just finished running 12 miles!