Transformations

If any of you hadn't noticed by now, I've changed my hair color! Yes, me, Mrs. Conservative, now has red highlights! I'm 30 years old. I've never done anything too drastic to my hair besides cut it short, and the only color I've had was a semipermanent black to make my hair shinier. You may ask what does coloring my hair have to do with losing weight? I guess you could say that I felt the need to go through a total transformation. You'd be suprised how a simple thing such as changing your hair color can boost your confidence. Even though I've lost a lot of weight, I still at times find myself walking around like I'm carrying a ton. It's hard to describe, but it is as if you are walking around in another person's body and you don't know how to handle it. Your mentality doesn't match your physique.

I've spent so many years trying to fake being confident, I really didn't know how to walk in confidence. You can buy spanx to hide your rolls and cellulite, but there is no hiding a permanant haircolor. It's funny, when I first got my hair colored I really liked it, my husband LOVED it! However, a couple of days later as I was getting ready to go to work, I started freaking out. I was styling my hair, and I just broke down crying. I woke my husband up repeatedly asking him, "Do I look okay? You don't think I look silly?". His response, which is so classic of him was, "You know I would tell you if you looked ridiculous", which he really would. When I got to work, I prayed that God would give me the confidence to walk as bold as my new hair color. I mean, you can't walk in a room holding your head down and you're rocking a color like red! So, I walked to the hospital floor, and everyone that hadn't seen my pic on facebook was indeed shocked but very complimentary. Well, if they didn't like it, would they really tell me anyway? So all I could do was trust that I made the right choice to color my hair. I really didn't plan on it turning out that color. I wanted kind of subtle light brown highlights. But, I'm glad it turned out this way.I think it was God's way of saying, no matter what the outcome, you are still beautiful in my eyes, and you've got to rock it like you own it,even if it turned out blue! I took a risk (which is opposite of what I normally do), and it worked for me.

This past week, I took it a step further and got contacts. Now, I love my glasses, I think they give me personality. Yet, I also think that I hide behind them. It was easy to hide for one, because I had lost so much weight they were starting to engulf my face. When I put the contacts on, it was a whole new world and I could really see myself. This has been a crazy journey! I really hadn't lost but a pound since my last blog, but I feel absolutely wonderful! Over the past month, I've handle dissappointments with prayer, and the moments I don't feel as confident, I take inventory of all the things I've accomplished over the last year. I'd take each little small risk over again to feel what I feel at this moment...

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 63 lbs. Only 1 lb down, but my arms and legs are getting cut yall! Watch out there now! lol

Pushing it!

So, since I last wrote a blog, I went through a 10 day fast I started on the New Year. For ten days I fasted meat, dairy, all beverages besides water and gatorade (which I only drank after runs), and sweets. You may ask, what was the reason for torturing myself? Well, as I have said before, I went through a lot the end of the year and I felt the need to draw closer to God by being more disciplined.I read somewhere that fasting is about sacrifice. I was sacrificing food that I loved, for something much greater to manifest in my life. I decided to give up some carnal desires that I felt took me away from His presence. I also even gave up facebook, with the exception of checking for weekly runs with my running group.

I learned a lot during that ten days. I learned that I don't need a lot of foods that I felt were so crucial to my diet. It's funny, but during the fast, I really didn't lose weight. My body held on to it pretty tightly, which was kinda disappointing. After the fast, I really dove back in, well not too bad. I craved cheese and so I ate a lot of cheese(tried the vegan cheese,no offense vegans, but it was gross!). I had allowed my self to indulge in caffeine(white chocolate mochas and hot chocolate though with non fat milk). I also ate a lot of cupcakes! Now on a normal day, I don't crave cupcakes. My co-worker was craving them, and her craving transferred to me, lol (thanks CJ!). It didn't take long for me to gain 4 pounds back. I have a history of emotional eating, and going through the fast put me through so many emotions. So when I looked down at that scale, I had to re-evaluate what the heck I was doing. Why was I jeopardizing everything I had accomplished? You may say, 4 pounds isn't a lot. For me, it is like gaining 40 pounds because I am always aware that I have the potential to gain it all back. The thought is terrifying! So, because I have hit kind of an emotional and physical wall, I decided to invest in a personal trainer.

I went to the trainer this past week. I've seen her before. She actually teaches a lot of the fitness classes at my gym, and she also goes to my church. She was a bariatric nurse, so she had a good medical background. Another noteworthy fact is that her arms are crazy ripped! lol. I always find it interesting that God puts wonderful Christian people in my path. What I liked about her was that the first thing she said was, "I'm not out to take your money. My goal is to get you to a point where you can be motivated do these exercises on your own without me." Well, that was just great! I have plenty of motivation, but not a whole lot of money.

We went through an hours worth of total body exercises, and I got new ideas on how to do some good interval training to challenge my body a little more.Now, I'm a physical therapist, so you'd think I would know better. However, the population I work with is mostly elderly and critically ill. So,I'm definitely not running them around the track and making them bench press!lol. She even was so kind to email me the exercises. I have also been trying to make it an effort to attend more group exercises, particularly step and dance cardio class. The classes really break up the monotony of my workout routine. I don't think I will need to go to the trainer too often. I can push myself pretty hard because I know how far I've come, and I know I don't want to go back there.

Something else I did this month was to sign up for the Cooper River Bridge 10K run in Charleston, SC in March. I am soooo excited about training for this. As I have said in a previous blog, I have to set mini goals for myself to keep myself motivated. Nothing motivates you more than when you pay money for something. You are bound to commit to the venture. My money is paid, my hotel is booked, and I am ready to run!

As you all can see, I've had a busy January. It has been so life changing for me and I feel like I've got a fresh start to the new year. I actually went back for my annual check up to the doctor who was the catalyst for change in my life. When he saw me, he was like, " I don't even recognize you. Your whole face looks different. I'm so proud of you!". That was a good feeling! So I'm going to keep on pushing it, no matter how long it takes to get to my goal weight!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: WELL, AFTER MY BINGE, I DID LOSE THE 4 lbs, PLUS AN ADDITIONAL 2 lbs....KEEP PRAYING FOR ME! 62 lbs down from last year.

2011: What a year!

Okay, so it is January 1, 2012. As of now, I have yet to reach my goal weight. I could blame my job for having countless numbers of sweets sitting on the nursing station counter during the holidays. I could blame the recent stresses in my life. But, really, I don't feel like playing the blame game. In fact, I feel like celebrating! I didn't reach my goal, true. However, I am 60 lbs (give or take 2 or 3 lbs), lighter than I was at the beginning of the 2011.

Me today outside of church.



















I turned 30 this year on July 17th, and got to celebrate several times with my family and friends!

Me in one of my favorite bathroom poses on my Birthday Weekend. Check out the "Blessed" stand in the background. I love it!














I conquered Rome,Italy in August with two of my best friends, a wonderful journey for us all!

Me in the Vatican. Truly amazing!

My best friends Shawanda, Tia, and I at our first ristorante in Roma. Awesome!

Me tackling the Coliseum. It was so friggin hot!

















I ran my 1st 5K(3.1 miles) in September with some great co-workers, and then my 1st 8K (4.97 miles) on Thanksgiving Day with my group Black Girls Run!

Carolinas Specialty Hospital representing to the fullest! I finished in 38 minutes!

Black Girls Run (and Rock!) at the Turkey Trot. That's me, front row, bottom right. Finished 1 hr flat!











I've celebrated my 6th Wedding Anniversary and my son's Big 0-4!

Our family photo (Anniversary and Son's Birthday a day apart in November)















I've overcome loss and learned how to truly forgive, and lean on God for a deeper understanding of it all!

These are my Hope Roses. God gave them life, when I didn't have the know-how to do so. He also gives strength, when you feel you have nothing left.










2011 has been a very memorable year for many reasons. I am so blessed and favored. I am impressed with the way God has transformed me this year through all of these moments. Many times this year people have told me how they admire me. Well, I can't take the credit. What you see in me is a faith that has grown so deep over the course of this year. Prior to 2011, I spent years of worrying about the outcome of events, worrying about what other people thought of me, worrying about pleasing others. To be honest, recently I have been in a little funk, but thank God for exercise! Working out has really pulled me through some rough spots.

I am so glad that it was revealed to me that it is okay to put myself first. I've realized that putting myself first has made me a happier person, a more useful person (i.e I feel like I can bless others more when I take better care of me). I knew this year was going to be something else, but I had no idea what I was in for, and I survived it all! I am praying that 2012 brings about more adventures, more love, more opportunities to give freely of myself without denying myself all the happiness I deserve. I pray this for all of my friends and family as well. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. I look forward to sharing more with you all in the coming year!


HAPPY NEW YEAR! Love Sanpri

WEIGHT LOSS and SIZE: I have gone from 226 lbs at the beginning of January 2011 to 166 lbs. I have gone down from a size 18 to a size 10. My goal weight it 151 lbs, and to be a size 6 to 8. Please, know that I love my curves and I plan to preserve them, but I feel so much lighter and freer!

Where I Draw My Strength

Well, I have had so many things happen in my life since my last blog. As a woman whose faith is making great leaps daily, I feel tremendously blessed despite what the Devil has thrown at me these past few weeks. I know I may have mentioned this to many of my close friends: This time last year had I been faced with the things I am facing now, I would have crumbled and waved my white flag in defeat. Yet,after allowing myself some time to mourn, to feel loss, I am ready for battle again. God has physically and mentally prepared me for the place I am in now. I truly believe this. I have learned that you always have to be prepared for battle in life, you can not let your guard down, not even for one second. The Evil One is always waiting, giving you a false sense of security because you might not be fully aware of where true security comes from. My sustaining weapons have been prayer and reading books that inspire (one being my Holy Bible).

Just when you think everything is running smooth in your world, surely this will be the time for a spiritual attack. This is what happened to me. However, this time I was ready. It's funny how God prepares you battle, unbeknownst to you, and you come out the victor every time. Many of us pretend that we have it all under control when we face adversity. In fact, this is what I used to do because I thought it made me a stronger person. What was actually happening was a slow demise of my joy because I didn't know how to submit to God what was beyond my control. Over the last few weeks I have been enlightened that it takes a really strong person to give God complete control over a situation. So during my workouts, more specifically my runs, I found my self purging all the negativity and surrendering all my issues to God. Running has been such a tremendous release for me spiritually. I find myself praying, crying, and sweating all at the same time.

Growing up Baptist, I always wondered what it was like to experience the Holy Spirit. I would see people jumping around, speaking in tongues, becoming a person totally unrecognizable, even to themselves. I used to wonder if that was the only way to experience the presence of God. I was never a runner before. I was never really physically strong. Truly when running, at least for me, you need the ability to draw strength to complete those miles from a higher power. I am completely submissive and my mind is cleared to receive all the hope, joy, closeness that God intends for me to experience through Him. This is what I have discovered is the Holy Spirit presenting itself to me through my physical activity. Over the past few weeks I have been shocked at my reactions: my calmness, my ability to love unconditionally, and to forgive because I have received the spirit. Don't get me wrong, oh, I still have my issues. We all do. Yet, it has been such a comfort to know that God cares and is with me throughout all that I have gone through. I am reaping the mental and physical benefits from His sovereignty over my life.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: I have lost a total of 60 lbs so far. Technically, I have about 15 more pounds to go...but I could stop right now and be satisfied!

Be blessed!

Taken For Granted

This week's blog will not focus on my weight loss, but loss in general. Many of you may be able to attest to the loss of special loved ones. I have experienced many losses over my 30 years which would include the loss of my sister, my grandparents(both sets of maternal and paternal), and cousins who have ended their journeys much too soon. Recently, in fact on Thanksgiving Day, one of my beloved uncles lost a dear woman who he has loved for over 20 years. She was also the mother of their 11 year old child. She was only 38. Her death, as many say, was so sudden. I don't really know the circumstances behind her death. What I do know is a man is without "his woman", a mother is without her daughter, and a daughter is without her mother. While I wasn't extremely close with her, I was close to my uncle. Whenever I would go down to visit, she was always there. She was always there to crack a joke, always supporting her daughter in whatever activity she wanted to pursue, always working hard to fulfill her family's dreams.

So, upon the news of her death, I have had some time to reflect on all of my relationships, especially within my immediate family. Do I take these precious relationships for granted? We always count on this person or that person to always be there, even when our relationship with the person may be rocky. We allow months to go by without calling that person. We let minor disagreements brew into major dramas. We harbor resentments that eat away at our souls, all for the sake of making sure that person feels the hurt we feel. Even in loving relationships, we tend to assume that our husband's will always be there to provide for us. Our mothers will always be on the other end of the phone waiting to give unwanted advice. Our fathers will always be able to bail us out. Yet, when that person is removed from our lives forever, all the things we should have said to honor their existences are left to sadly appear in the form of obituaries and eulogies. These words would have been great to say, had that person still been alive to hear them.

One thing that has remained consistent since my sister died, is that my mother and I never depart ways or end a conversation without saying "I love you". We have always been a lovey-dovey couple of people. Even my husband and friends can attest to this. However, the need to say "I love you" became even stronger after we lost her. If we were to accidentally get off the phone without saying this phrase, we would immediately call each other back. When I have told this to people, they look at me weird. I look right back at them and say, "Well, don't you do the same?" It's not to say that every relationship should mimic ours. I know different relationships have different dynamics. Even in the best of relationships, "I love you" is not often said because it is already assumed that that feeling is mutual. Somehow, I always thought that if that person were to leave this Earth at any moment, what comfort it would bring me to know that I was able to tell him/her "I love you".

I've said all this to say, re-evaluate what and who you feel are important to you everyday. In a way, losing weight has allowed me to re-evaluate my relationships. I want to be here to share a long life with my mate, I want to be around to see my son (and hopefully another child, someday :)) meet all of his milestones in life. I want to be able to do my job, which is very physically demanding, without difficulty due to preventable health issues. I want to show God my ultimate love for Him by taking the best care of the temple he has given me for this little while that I have on Earth. I hope my words did not upset you. In fact you should rejoice! At this very moment, which is fleeting, we have a chance to love onto somebody and mend broken relationships. Don't take this opportunity for granted!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Well, I think I might have loss one pound. Give me a break, it was Thanksgiving! :) I did run an 8K the entire time, took me 1hr. I get bonus points for that! lol

It's Our Anniversary: A dedication to Jason Porter

I don't talk a lot about my husband,like on facebook, as much as I would like to because I know he would disapprove of it. I don't feel the need to talk about him in that respect all the time. I know the person he is. However, I have been waiting for the appropriate time to express my love and respect for him through my blog. November is a special month for us: Six years ago on November 15, 2005 we were legally married. Four years ago on November 16, 2007 we welcomed our beautiful baby boy,David into the world. Jason, my husband, is a key player in my weight loss journey. And of course, this month is Thanksgiving, the official beginning of the holiday season. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Six years ago this month, my husband and I left work early and headed down to the Charlotte courthouse with his parents, niece and nephew in tow. It was a short, but sweet ceremony, and we were serenaded by his then 1 year old niece's melodious crying in the background. Afterwards, we went back to our small two bedroom apartment and ate pizza as our reception dinner. This doesn't sound very romantic, but I was very happy. We had been together for 6 years at that point, 3 of them spent apart, and we were finally making our relationship official. I really did not care about having an official wedding ceremony, though my mother really felt left out. Eventually, we did have a wedding in August of 2006. It was small, but beautiful. Now when I look back, I am glad we celebrated our union in such a special way. We deserved to have a big party!

Soooo, here we are in 2011. Life for us has not been without it's challenges. Being so different, we have definitely had to compromise on more than one occasion. He's very straight, no chaser. I hate to be confrontational, I can be a little manipulative(terrible ain't I?) and I don't always like the truth revealed to me. He likes the t.v on at night, I don't. Yet, when he says he loves me, when he says I'm beautiful, I know he means it every time. He was the first person of the opposite sex that I could ever really look in the eyes without turning away and feeling insecure. He helps me to realize how blessed I am on a daily basis, when I allow life to get to me and I start to feel sorry for myself. I am a better cynic because of him(okay, that may not be a great thing, but we find humor in absurdity on a regular basis and it's fun to have someone to share this with) He cheers me on while I am exercising, even though he may have a pizza in one hand! lol. When we were going through what we perceive as hard times(i.e during the gas shortage we only had one car with gas, his car without heat in mid fall, and we had to get up before dawn to search for gas, baby in tow)we stuck close together and worked as a team. Before we got married, that kind of situation would have had me in panic mode. Yet, when you have someone to share the load with, life doesn't seem as hard.

Yes, I love him. Besides my parents, he is my biggest cheerleader, but not in the traditional sense. He doesn't allow me to break down and cry when life gets hard. If I do, I can't wallow in my sorrows all day. He gives me the cold, hard, truth. I get a pat on the butt and a kiss. I keep it moving! He always jokes with me, "Maybe you need one of those wool-knitted cap men". When he says that,he implies that I need a man who is more sensitive(for some reason he thinks sensitive men wear wool-knitted caps! LOL) I know God sent him to me for a reason. He is the person sitting on the other side of my see-saw: When I'm down he lifts me up, and vice versa. On those rare and perfect occasions, we balance each other out. We've watched each other grow over the years, and it has been absolutely amazing to see the transformations which have taken place. He is beautiful( and I'm talking chocolate beautiful!), he is talented, he is a great father, and husband. I'm losing my weight for me, but I am also trying to keep up the sexy for my honey. After all, forever is a long time and we've only just begun...I want us to be one of those frisky old couples! I feel like I don't tell him enough, but I love him so much. I am honored to be his wife.

"Loving each other is as easy as breathing.", some random bride on Say Yes To The Dress

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: No change in the last two weeks as far as pounds, but I am down 4 dress sizes since I began!

Moving Out of the Comfort Zone

Before I get really deep into this week's blog, I want to give credit to a former classmate who started this conversation on facebook about moving out of your comfort zone in order to get what you want out of life. I had been thinking about this topic for a while. After all, this whole journey has really been about me moving out of a detrimental comfort zone I had been in for a while now. So, Sed Ehi, this blog is for you(and also for CJ,one of my wonderful followers, I read your blog,too).

Thinking back, I have always had to force myself or be forced to move out of a place that was comfortable for me. If there is any truth to zodiac signs, I am definitely a true Cancer. I like to retreat into my shell if I feel out of my element. If you challenge me, I am bound to either close myself up, or get really moody for reasons you could not possibly (or even want to understand). As a child, I was very shy. Unlike my gregarious parents and sister, it was very hard for me to make friends. When I did make a friend, you were my friend for life (or at least for a very long time). So as you can imagine, my circle was(and still is in some ways) very small. I had a wonderful teacher, Ms. Dobbs, who did manage to draw me out of my shell by introducing me to public speaking. I could speak (and later on, sing) very well in front of large crowds. Yet, when it came to one on one encounters, I was very uncomfortable. I even had to train myself to look people in the eyes when I speak to them. Even now, if I feel awkward, it is still hard for me to project my voice and look a person in the eyes. This part of my life is still a work in progress.

Quite often I have tried to purposely put myself in uncomfortable situations to help me overcome my fears. I alway picked some of the more challenging teachers in high school and college. I dated (and eventually married) a man who is soooo not like me, which has been a beautiful journey in itself. Something else funny about zodiac signs: my husband is a Leo, which supposedly the characteristics are completely opposite of Cancers. How we have made it this far is the by the grace of God,lol. So HE really does have a sense of humor! I moved away from the city and people I know in order to start a life on my own. It's been six years and I haven't had to move back home, knock on wood! Currently, I am moving away from the comforts that food has brought me, and towards the comforts of having a wonderful quality of life. Of course, food is apart of the process but food doesn't fuel the process. I am learning to seek satisfaction in other things. I am finding that these other "things" give me great joy, a joy that food could not give me. I am learning to run(I really hated running, but I am starting to grow fond of it after completing my first 5K). I am reading books I would have never thought about reading, and they are opening my mind. I went over seas for the first time, which terrified me. I have found "a peace that transcends all understanding" (this isn't my quote, see 1 Philipians 4:6-7). I am becoming more comfortable moving out of my comfort zone.

Recently, a friend and I went to a wonderful concert featuring one of my favorite singers, Ledisi (if you don't know about her, you really need to check her out). While she was giving a bit of her testimony she said, "There's a door called fear, but if you open it behind it a blessing is waiting on the other side". Even though I have forced myself into uncomfortable situations, I have never fully had faith that the outcomes would be favorable. I would cry, worry, and fret over whether I made a huge mistake. The bulk of my 30 year existence was spent fearing the unknown instead of embracing it and going with the flow. Life is all about transitions. Some transitions are wonderful. Some transitions will tear you down into nothing. Yet, the wonderful aspect about being in transition is that you are always moving. The real questions are: Will you chose to move forward into the great, magnificent unknown? Or will you chose to move in a circle, where things will most likely remain stagnant and unremarkable?

I challenge everyone to move forward with me!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 58 pounds! I've got 17 more to go!