Yesterday, I cried...Today, I'm keeping it moving!

Yesterday, I cried. Frankly speaking, I'm a cryer and I've always been since I was a little girl. Of course, now I have it a bit more under control. Before, I cried because I didn't really know how to express myself without feeling self-conscience; There were times I really felt irrelevant and inadequate. I felt very sad, alot more than I should have. Now, I wouldn't just bust out with a boo-hoo cry in the middle of science class or while treating a patient. A lot of times I would cry silently to myself, primarily out of frustration over various things in life. Some people (including my husband) would dub me overly emotional. Although I have learned to tame some of my emotion, a lot of times it is written all over my face, even when I'm trying to appear happy on the outside. Overtime, I have matured in the art of silent crying. I've also come to realize that after I cry, I feel extremely relieved, like the biggest boulder was lifted off of my back. It has been a particularly rough week. I normally start my mornings listening to my two favorite talk shows on the way to work (The Tom Joyner Morning Show and the Yolanda Adams Morning Show). Then, the last ten minutes before I pull into the parking deck I turn the music off, pray a short prayer and read a bible verse to start my day. I've always believed that if you give God your attention first thing in the morning, it can drastically change the trajectory of your day. This holds true even if you've just yelled at your 4 and a half year old for not putting his clothes on in a timely manner, and you are not feeling particularly holy at that point in time. Well, on this certain weekday, I had had it! I was tired, stressed over some pressing issues, and just feeling completely drained. I don't remember the exact time the waterworks started. I just remember listening to a new favorite gospel song of mine, and tears just started to roll down my face. They would not stop falling for a long time. I couldn't even gather myself together to pray or read a verse. All I could do is cry out, "God, I know you have something great in store, I know I won't feel like this always." I wasn't expecting my situation to change that instant, but I did feel more at ease. I could walk into work clearly relieved. During my little self therapy session, I thought about how I am sooo blessed. I don't have everything in life, but I have what I need. My family is healthy, and happy, for the most part. I'm employed. At the time I am completing this entry, I currently can run 10 miles without stopping! I'm a freakin' warrior! So what, I have yet to reach my goal weight as fast as I thought I should. I am losing weight the right way, and sustaining the weight loss. A few weeks ago while in New York, I broke through a wall and dropped four pounds. As I reflect on my life, it has always taking me a little longer to break through walls to reach a goal. There is always a force (let's say that force's name is Fear) that tries to hold me back. Yet during those few minutes of tears and total submission, I released Fear. You can call me a crybaby if you want to, but we all have our life-coping strategies that help us to stay afloat. Considering some of the other alternatives (drugs, sex, food, and alcohol), I think crying is probably the safest way to go. If I'm not able to pound out my stress on the pavement, then I have no other choice than to cry out. And I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore. Yesterday, I cried. Today, I'm keeping it moving... WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 2 lbs since last post. 157, 7 more pounds to go!