There was a time when I would walk by a mirror and not even look at it. I felt ashamed of what I would see. Using public restrooms to wash my hands and especially trying on clothes was very frustrating. As other girls would primp in the mirror, I was trying hard to avoid looking my self in the eyes,embarrassed to even look in the mirror's direction. I really don't know when this habit started, but I know it has denied me the right to celebrate myself for a long time.
Well, now I earnestly try to find things about myself that I truly admire everyday, regardless of whether I am having a bad hair day. I force myself to see what God sees, although I think God sees through rose colored glasses sometimes. "What is so beautiful about a short, stout black girl?" I would say to God. And there are times when He would whisper to me, "Well, Sanpri what isn't beautiful about a short, stout, black girl? Or a tall and skinny one for that matter? Who defines beauty to you? And why does your definition trump mine, after all I created you and I think I know what I'm doing" Once I brought myself back to God's reality, then I could appreciate the person, "the me", that He has made.
Today is my birthday! I am 30 years old and 39 lbs lighter since January 2011. I literally loss weight the size of my 3yr old! For the short amount of time I have been celebrating 30, I feel a little bit freer. I don't know what it is about reaching these age milestones, but you just feel like you can let go a little more and give less than a hoot about what other people think about you. This is a great feeling. I don't feel older, I just feel lighter in body, and in my mind. It's time to celebrate this awesome liberty!
WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 39 lbs! Thank you Lord for this day!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
I Need A Grace Period!!!
Yep, sooooo I didn't update my blog last Sunday. It was a rough week. I don't know why but I have felt spiritually attacked lately. You know when your day starts off wrong, and then a domino effect just continues to shape your day, and not in a good way? Well, that was my day last Thursday. I thank God that I have several people in my life that are able to sow good words into me, because I almost lost it that day. Though I did not gain any weight, I did not lose any weight because I allowed one day to affect the progress I had made the previous week. I decided that I needed to take a mental grace period, so that I could get back on track.
As long as I keep living, I know that bad days will come. Giving my self a grace period after having a not-so-good day,helps me to refocus my attention on the progress I made thus far. A grace period for me means having to sit still and calm down. I need to really give myself a break,seriously. I am easily worked up,and easily frustrated about circumstances beyond my control. This is quite funny to me, because how much do we really control in the grand scheme of things? My current circumstances do not determine the final outcome. I still have so much more to look forward to, not just in weight loss, but life in general.
I find it extremely humorous how God is able to reveal himself to me so that I can push forward. First, he gives me an amazing mother who I can confide in, who listens and gives me honest feedback. Then, he gives me a husband who is brutally honest at times when I really don't want him to be, but I know that in most incidences it brings me back down to Earth. Finally, he leads me to an amazing ministry, in which every week there is a word that applies specifically to a situation I am going through. We had a guest speaker who is a New York Times best seller and member of my church. The take-home message from her sermon was how our reactions determine our reach. Reacting positive in a negative situation is hard, but it can really make a difference in the outcome.I am thankful that I was able to mentally check out for a period, count my blessings except my mishaps, and check back in to refocus on my overall well being.
WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 36 lbs. 5 more pounds until my next short term goal! Reward time!
As long as I keep living, I know that bad days will come. Giving my self a grace period after having a not-so-good day,helps me to refocus my attention on the progress I made thus far. A grace period for me means having to sit still and calm down. I need to really give myself a break,seriously. I am easily worked up,and easily frustrated about circumstances beyond my control. This is quite funny to me, because how much do we really control in the grand scheme of things? My current circumstances do not determine the final outcome. I still have so much more to look forward to, not just in weight loss, but life in general.
I find it extremely humorous how God is able to reveal himself to me so that I can push forward. First, he gives me an amazing mother who I can confide in, who listens and gives me honest feedback. Then, he gives me a husband who is brutally honest at times when I really don't want him to be, but I know that in most incidences it brings me back down to Earth. Finally, he leads me to an amazing ministry, in which every week there is a word that applies specifically to a situation I am going through. We had a guest speaker who is a New York Times best seller and member of my church. The take-home message from her sermon was how our reactions determine our reach. Reacting positive in a negative situation is hard, but it can really make a difference in the outcome.I am thankful that I was able to mentally check out for a period, count my blessings except my mishaps, and check back in to refocus on my overall well being.
WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 36 lbs. 5 more pounds until my next short term goal! Reward time!
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