Back to the word "skinny" in reference to muah. Well, it still comes as a shock to my system. When I look in the mirror, I see someone healthy, not skinny. According to my husband, I still have curves where they are necessary, so as long as I don't lose those, he is A-OK! However, it got me questioning something. At what point is a person considered "big"? Is that solely up to society and the media to decide? Is it solely your BMI that determines whether you've hit the big "O" (obese)? Technically,I guess I could still be considered overweight for my height, but I never really thought much about my weight in terms of that. I have known many women who may be considered "big" who live relatively healthy lifestyles. Just look at your "plus" size models. The media describes "plus size" as someone who is at or above a size 8...which is what I currently am. Seriously? So I am getting mixed messages...am I skinny or big? Well, my answer is, I am perfectly imperfect: I am the perfect size for me in this very imperfect world. I figure, as long as I am striving to be my healthiest, that is just going to have to be acceptable. I carry a little card with some photos of me on my 29th birthday, when I was at my heaviest. I have shown the photos to people who could not believe how heavy I was, and they just about fell out. Heck, sometimes I have to look twice to make sure I am looking at the same person. Back then, I was breathing heavier, snoring louder, emotionally eating, whining about how yucky I felt about myself. And then I decided to make a change...
So, I have been keeping myself REALLY busy these days, hence why it has been over a month since my last entry. Usually I will start a draft of a blog and come back to it several times, because I might not be feeling it at the moment. Catching up since I last blogged, I ran my 2nd Half Marathon, The Run with Donna for Breast Cancer Awareness in Jacksonville Beach Florida back in Febuary. It was an AMAZING race! My husband and I had such a good time together...I was so happy he was with me. I actually PR'd and beat my last time by 7 minutes! It was so inspiring to see survivors out there running the race, and men out there in pink skirts (which may have taken the concept a bit too far, lol) The crowd was awesome. Though it was cold, people came out of their beautiful beach homes and cheered us on. My favorite part was the one mile memorial run on the beach. I had never run on the beach before, and had it not been slightly uncomfortable, I wish I could have run longer on it before the path veered back onto the street. It was a serene scene. I also just LOVED the big hill at the end of the race. The wind was blowing,and I sooo wanted to give up. But I only had one more mile, and I was not about to stop on that darn hill! I saw my king at the bottom of that hill and he had a look of sheer pride(which meant he had gotten over having to get up with me at 5am to get me down to the race on time)! He kills me because he says I am a nut because my face just lights up when I talk about running, more than anything else I talk about. He has no interest in ever running 13.1 miles, but he loves that I am so passionate about it!
My Bling!
This month, I participated in my first marathon relay in Columbia,SC with some girls in my Black Girls Run group. We had a great time of fellowship with ladies in BGR chapters from Atlanta, Columbia, Raleigh and many other surrounding cities. The mishaps at the beginning of the race were comical, being that I was the 2nd leg and was late getting to my stop. Not only was there a train holding up our very crowded little preschool bus, some people had to switch buses to get to our location because it was overcrowded, which was a ten minute wait. Other racers had to hitch rides with perfect strangers. I got to my stop about 20 minutes after my first leg partner got there. She was waiting on me, and I should have been waiting on her! Anyhoo, we hurriedly switched off the bib when we saw each other. The run itself was beautifully challenging, if you could understand that description. It was full of hills, and one big "Oh Jesus" hill toward the end of my run. I finished in the time that I planned which 8 miles in 1:20, and we collectively finished in under 4:40! Good times!
My Awesome Relay Team
I am also in the process of trying to get a standing run established in my area of town. Black Girls Run Charlotte has several "Standing Runs" which are conducted by a run coordinator, and usually held at the same time/same day every week,at the same meeting spot for the most part. However,before your run becomes an official standing run, you have to host many unofficial runs with a good amount of people consistently present at each run. I had a challenge on my hands. I live in a town called Monroe, about 20 miles outside the city of Charlotte. The population is mixed, but I would say there are more Caucasians and Hispanic people than African Americans in this area. However, each week on our BGR Charlotte facebook page I would post when I would be running in the area and invite other ladies to join me. My schedule is crazy during the week, with my son and work. The only time I could run with a group is if they ran early in the mornings on the weekends. I have a partner that does long runs with me on Saturdays, but I wanted to encourage people in my area to start running. I just knew their had to be SOME black girl other than me running in this part of town! Slowly, I started getting responses. Now, my personal schedule has gotten more routine, and I have held several unofficial runs on Sunday mornings at 6am. We have had about 6 or 7 ladies come out, which makes me ecstatic! I am also encouraging all ladies in the area to participate in my local gym's first 5K in May. I want to spread the word in my area about how this group is really changing the lives of African-American women, and I feel that our presence at this race is crucial!
A couple of the girls in my area who run with me
In other news, I am also prospering in the workplace, having just celebrated my 4th year at Carolina Specialty Hospital. I am also a first time clinical instructor, which has proven not only to be a learning experience for my student, but for me as well. My lifelong goal is to teach in the college setting, and now I am getting a taste of what that may be like. I still continue to lead a small group at church, which has just been my peace, really! Getting together with these women helps me to stay grounded and feel blessed that there is a loving God!
Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode because I have so much on my plate. But then, I also feel like God is really trying to push me out of my comfort zone now that I have proven to myself that I can win the weight lost battle. I feel He really wants me to step out as a strong leader, which I have always tended to shy away from. I am just praying that when He says the word "go" I won't be hesitant to follow His lead. I think losing the weight, and living a healthy lifestyle has given me the confidence to pursue these things wholeheartedly. When I think of my life, I think of this old song we used to sing in my home church, "I Am A Living Testimony". I finally feel like I have a life worth talking about and I hope that my story helps others jump out of their comfort zones!
I am still holding 150 lbs strong 6 months after hitting my goal weight!
