I consider myself a fairly spiritual person. I sometimes daydream about my ideal Heaven. Ideally, I would love to dwell eternally in a place where I could see every person I ever loved and lost. I would also love to live in a land filled with my unlimited food favorites and never have to worry about gaining a pound. It sounds crazy, I know, but what else could be more perfect? On Earth, I spend day in and day out consumed with what I eat, how much I eat, and why I eat what I eat. It's frustrating, and at times discouraging because there are days I know I could do better and I don't. The weird thing is, I'm actually bored with food right now. Nothing is really appetizing to me. I eat food that tastes good, but it's not always what I really want.
Since I gave birth to my second son two years ago, this weight loss journey has been harder this time around. I will do really well with my eating one day, then suck at it the next day. It's been a while since my last journal entry, but the last two years have been challenging with our newest addition as he faced many health obstacles. I, too, had some health issues and underwent hernia repair surgery. I also had to get an extensive evaluation of my heart to make sure it was working correctly. Thankfully, today, both my son and I are doing well. I continued to work out through it all, because working out is why I don't throat punch people on a daily basis (ha, ha, just kidding but not really). I even managed to run 2 half marathons within these last two years. Though I was finally able to get back under 200 lbs, I am still far from where I need to be, and I know that has to do with my eating habits.
I am notorious for starting some things and not finishing them. It's weird but there are things I pour myself into, like learning how to swim. Yet, when it comes to food, I just can't seem to get meal planning down consistently. I really don't like to cook. I am too tired most days to cook, and with me being the healthier eater in the house, I'm usually preparing more than one type of meal to satisfy everyone. I know these are terrible excuses, but it's what I am dealing with now. I have toyed with trying the shakeologies, the smoothie diets, etc. etc. No offense to anyone who does these kinds of diets, but I know I couldn't live the rest of my life without real food. I could possibly survive being a vegetarian, but I love seafood and chicken too much to leave them totally behind. I have gone without meat for some time before, and though its not hard for me to do, I don't want to do it full time. The idea of being vegan is great, but again, it's really not for me. I admire people who are devoted to the vegan lifestyle, however. I freakin' love food, and I know there is a way that I can get back to my happy weight and eat some of what I like, some of the time. I recently read a book discussing boundaries with food. Somewhere along the way I overstepped my boundaries. How do I get back to where I was? Why haven't I been able to just eat well and eat right all the time like I used to?
After I got my most recent fitness assessment reality hit me. I discovered the one thing I hadn't been doing is writing about my journey. Blogging was how I started my last journey, and it was how I kept myself accountable aside from joining accountability fitness groups. I was pretty good about writing down what I ate and tracking my physical activity. I didn't want to write down something that I'd be ashamed I ate. It's always good to go back to where you started sometimes to help you get to where you wanna go. So, I am back; I am back to share, back to inspire, back to make you laugh, maybe sometimes make you cry.Some of you may religiously read my wordy blogs. Some of you may just Facebook "like" my post, just because you like me but not really take the time to read them. It's okay, because I do that sometimes, too. Really, this blog is for me, but if I can make an impact on just one other person other than myself, I think that is a major win. Now that I am the ripe old age 35, I feel I've gained some wisdom. I appreciate life more than ever now. My goal is to live a life without ceilings.I want to be a good example for my children so that they can live the same way. The sky is the limit when it comes to being the best me. It's time to return to what I know works for me. Stay tuned...
