Sunday, December 11, 2011

Where I Draw My Strength

Well, I have had so many things happen in my life since my last blog. As a woman whose faith is making great leaps daily, I feel tremendously blessed despite what the Devil has thrown at me these past few weeks. I know I may have mentioned this to many of my close friends: This time last year had I been faced with the things I am facing now, I would have crumbled and waved my white flag in defeat. Yet,after allowing myself some time to mourn, to feel loss, I am ready for battle again. God has physically and mentally prepared me for the place I am in now. I truly believe this. I have learned that you always have to be prepared for battle in life, you can not let your guard down, not even for one second. The Evil One is always waiting, giving you a false sense of security because you might not be fully aware of where true security comes from. My sustaining weapons have been prayer and reading books that inspire (one being my Holy Bible).

Just when you think everything is running smooth in your world, surely this will be the time for a spiritual attack. This is what happened to me. However, this time I was ready. It's funny how God prepares you battle, unbeknownst to you, and you come out the victor every time. Many of us pretend that we have it all under control when we face adversity. In fact, this is what I used to do because I thought it made me a stronger person. What was actually happening was a slow demise of my joy because I didn't know how to submit to God what was beyond my control. Over the last few weeks I have been enlightened that it takes a really strong person to give God complete control over a situation. So during my workouts, more specifically my runs, I found my self purging all the negativity and surrendering all my issues to God. Running has been such a tremendous release for me spiritually. I find myself praying, crying, and sweating all at the same time.

Growing up Baptist, I always wondered what it was like to experience the Holy Spirit. I would see people jumping around, speaking in tongues, becoming a person totally unrecognizable, even to themselves. I used to wonder if that was the only way to experience the presence of God. I was never a runner before. I was never really physically strong. Truly when running, at least for me, you need the ability to draw strength to complete those miles from a higher power. I am completely submissive and my mind is cleared to receive all the hope, joy, closeness that God intends for me to experience through Him. This is what I have discovered is the Holy Spirit presenting itself to me through my physical activity. Over the past few weeks I have been shocked at my reactions: my calmness, my ability to love unconditionally, and to forgive because I have received the spirit. Don't get me wrong, oh, I still have my issues. We all do. Yet, it has been such a comfort to know that God cares and is with me throughout all that I have gone through. I am reaping the mental and physical benefits from His sovereignty over my life.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: I have lost a total of 60 lbs so far. Technically, I have about 15 more pounds to go...but I could stop right now and be satisfied!

Be blessed!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Taken For Granted

This week's blog will not focus on my weight loss, but loss in general. Many of you may be able to attest to the loss of special loved ones. I have experienced many losses over my 30 years which would include the loss of my sister, my grandparents(both sets of maternal and paternal), and cousins who have ended their journeys much too soon. Recently, in fact on Thanksgiving Day, one of my beloved uncles lost a dear woman who he has loved for over 20 years. She was also the mother of their 11 year old child. She was only 38. Her death, as many say, was so sudden. I don't really know the circumstances behind her death. What I do know is a man is without "his woman", a mother is without her daughter, and a daughter is without her mother. While I wasn't extremely close with her, I was close to my uncle. Whenever I would go down to visit, she was always there. She was always there to crack a joke, always supporting her daughter in whatever activity she wanted to pursue, always working hard to fulfill her family's dreams.

So, upon the news of her death, I have had some time to reflect on all of my relationships, especially within my immediate family. Do I take these precious relationships for granted? We always count on this person or that person to always be there, even when our relationship with the person may be rocky. We allow months to go by without calling that person. We let minor disagreements brew into major dramas. We harbor resentments that eat away at our souls, all for the sake of making sure that person feels the hurt we feel. Even in loving relationships, we tend to assume that our husband's will always be there to provide for us. Our mothers will always be on the other end of the phone waiting to give unwanted advice. Our fathers will always be able to bail us out. Yet, when that person is removed from our lives forever, all the things we should have said to honor their existences are left to sadly appear in the form of obituaries and eulogies. These words would have been great to say, had that person still been alive to hear them.

One thing that has remained consistent since my sister died, is that my mother and I never depart ways or end a conversation without saying "I love you". We have always been a lovey-dovey couple of people. Even my husband and friends can attest to this. However, the need to say "I love you" became even stronger after we lost her. If we were to accidentally get off the phone without saying this phrase, we would immediately call each other back. When I have told this to people, they look at me weird. I look right back at them and say, "Well, don't you do the same?" It's not to say that every relationship should mimic ours. I know different relationships have different dynamics. Even in the best of relationships, "I love you" is not often said because it is already assumed that that feeling is mutual. Somehow, I always thought that if that person were to leave this Earth at any moment, what comfort it would bring me to know that I was able to tell him/her "I love you".

I've said all this to say, re-evaluate what and who you feel are important to you everyday. In a way, losing weight has allowed me to re-evaluate my relationships. I want to be here to share a long life with my mate, I want to be around to see my son (and hopefully another child, someday :)) meet all of his milestones in life. I want to be able to do my job, which is very physically demanding, without difficulty due to preventable health issues. I want to show God my ultimate love for Him by taking the best care of the temple he has given me for this little while that I have on Earth. I hope my words did not upset you. In fact you should rejoice! At this very moment, which is fleeting, we have a chance to love onto somebody and mend broken relationships. Don't take this opportunity for granted!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Well, I think I might have loss one pound. Give me a break, it was Thanksgiving! :) I did run an 8K the entire time, took me 1hr. I get bonus points for that! lol

Monday, November 14, 2011

It's Our Anniversary: A dedication to Jason Porter

I don't talk a lot about my husband,like on facebook, as much as I would like to because I know he would disapprove of it. I don't feel the need to talk about him in that respect all the time. I know the person he is. However, I have been waiting for the appropriate time to express my love and respect for him through my blog. November is a special month for us: Six years ago on November 15, 2005 we were legally married. Four years ago on November 16, 2007 we welcomed our beautiful baby boy,David into the world. Jason, my husband, is a key player in my weight loss journey. And of course, this month is Thanksgiving, the official beginning of the holiday season. I have a lot to be thankful for.




Six years ago this month, my husband and I left work early and headed down to the Charlotte courthouse with his parents, niece and nephew in tow. It was a short, but sweet ceremony, and we were serenaded by his then 1 year old niece's melodious crying in the background. Afterwards, we went back to our small two bedroom apartment and ate pizza as our reception dinner. This doesn't sound very romantic, but I was very happy. We had been together for 6 years at that point, 3 of them spent apart, and we were finally making our relationship official. I really did not care about having an official wedding ceremony, though my mother really felt left out. Eventually, we did have a wedding in August of 2006. It was small, but beautiful. Now when I look back, I am glad we celebrated our union in such a special way. We deserved to have a big party!

Soooo, here we are in 2011. Life for us has not been without it's challenges. Being so different, we have definitely had to compromise on more than one occasion. He's very straight, no chaser. I hate to be confrontational, I can be a little manipulative(terrible ain't I?) and I don't always like the truth revealed to me. He likes the t.v on at night, I don't. Yet, when he says he loves me, when he says I'm beautiful, I know he means it every time. He was the first person of the opposite sex that I could ever really look in the eyes without turning away and feeling insecure. He helps me to realize how blessed I am on a daily basis, when I allow life to get to me and I start to feel sorry for myself. I am a better cynic because of him(okay, that may not be a great thing, but we find humor in absurdity on a regular basis and it's fun to have someone to share this with) He cheers me on while I am exercising, even though he may have a pizza in one hand! lol. When we were going through what we perceive as hard times(i.e during the gas shortage we only had one car with gas, his car without heat in mid fall, and we had to get up before dawn to search for gas, baby in tow)we stuck close together and worked as a team. Before we got married, that kind of situation would have had me in panic mode. Yet, when you have someone to share the load with, life doesn't seem as hard.

Yes, I love him. Besides my parents, he is my biggest cheerleader, but not in the traditional sense. He doesn't allow me to break down and cry when life gets hard. If I do, I can't wallow in my sorrows all day. He gives me the cold, hard, truth. I get a pat on the butt and a kiss. I keep it moving! He always jokes with me, "Maybe you need one of those wool-knitted cap men". When he says that,he implies that I need a man who is more sensitive(for some reason he thinks sensitive men wear wool-knitted caps! LOL) I know God sent him to me for a reason. He is the person sitting on the other side of my see-saw: When I'm down he lifts me up, and vice versa. On those rare and perfect occasions, we balance each other out. We've watched each other grow over the years, and it has been absolutely amazing to see the transformations which have taken place. He is beautiful( and I'm talking chocolate beautiful!), he is talented, he is a great father, and husband. I'm losing my weight for me, but I am also trying to keep up the sexy for my honey. After all, forever is a long time and we've only just begun...I want us to be one of those frisky old couples! I feel like I don't tell him enough, but I love him so much. I am honored to be his wife.




"Loving each other is as easy as breathing.", some random bride on Say Yes To The Dress

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: No change in the last two weeks as far as pounds, but I am down 4 dress sizes since I began!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Moving Out of the Comfort Zone

Before I get really deep into this week's blog, I want to give credit to a former classmate who started this conversation on facebook about moving out of your comfort zone in order to get what you want out of life. I had been thinking about this topic for a while. After all, this whole journey has really been about me moving out of a detrimental comfort zone I had been in for a while now. So, Sed Ehi, this blog is for you(and also for CJ,one of my wonderful followers, I read your blog,too).

Thinking back, I have always had to force myself or be forced to move out of a place that was comfortable for me. If there is any truth to zodiac signs, I am definitely a true Cancer. I like to retreat into my shell if I feel out of my element. If you challenge me, I am bound to either close myself up, or get really moody for reasons you could not possibly (or even want to understand). As a child, I was very shy. Unlike my gregarious parents and sister, it was very hard for me to make friends. When I did make a friend, you were my friend for life (or at least for a very long time). So as you can imagine, my circle was(and still is in some ways) very small. I had a wonderful teacher, Ms. Dobbs, who did manage to draw me out of my shell by introducing me to public speaking. I could speak (and later on, sing) very well in front of large crowds. Yet, when it came to one on one encounters, I was very uncomfortable. I even had to train myself to look people in the eyes when I speak to them. Even now, if I feel awkward, it is still hard for me to project my voice and look a person in the eyes. This part of my life is still a work in progress.

Quite often I have tried to purposely put myself in uncomfortable situations to help me overcome my fears. I alway picked some of the more challenging teachers in high school and college. I dated (and eventually married) a man who is soooo not like me, which has been a beautiful journey in itself. Something else funny about zodiac signs: my husband is a Leo, which supposedly the characteristics are completely opposite of Cancers. How we have made it this far is the by the grace of God,lol. So HE really does have a sense of humor! I moved away from the city and people I know in order to start a life on my own. It's been six years and I haven't had to move back home, knock on wood! Currently, I am moving away from the comforts that food has brought me, and towards the comforts of having a wonderful quality of life. Of course, food is apart of the process but food doesn't fuel the process. I am learning to seek satisfaction in other things. I am finding that these other "things" give me great joy, a joy that food could not give me. I am learning to run(I really hated running, but I am starting to grow fond of it after completing my first 5K). I am reading books I would have never thought about reading, and they are opening my mind. I went over seas for the first time, which terrified me. I have found "a peace that transcends all understanding" (this isn't my quote, see 1 Philipians 4:6-7). I am becoming more comfortable moving out of my comfort zone.

Recently, a friend and I went to a wonderful concert featuring one of my favorite singers, Ledisi (if you don't know about her, you really need to check her out). While she was giving a bit of her testimony she said, "There's a door called fear, but if you open it behind it a blessing is waiting on the other side". Even though I have forced myself into uncomfortable situations, I have never fully had faith that the outcomes would be favorable. I would cry, worry, and fret over whether I made a huge mistake. The bulk of my 30 year existence was spent fearing the unknown instead of embracing it and going with the flow. Life is all about transitions. Some transitions are wonderful. Some transitions will tear you down into nothing. Yet, the wonderful aspect about being in transition is that you are always moving. The real questions are: Will you chose to move forward into the great, magnificent unknown? Or will you chose to move in a circle, where things will most likely remain stagnant and unremarkable?

I challenge everyone to move forward with me!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 58 pounds! I've got 17 more to go!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Running The Race

I did it!. I participated in the Hopebuilders 5K for Levine Children Hospital in Charlotte yesterday with a group of co-workers and some of their families. It was my goal to run the entire race without stopping, and I was able to do it in 38 minutes, which is my best time for running over 3 miles. I was a little nervous the night before, because 1. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. I had told everyone that I was going to run the entire time. If I didn't, I would have been very embarrassed. 2. I ran 3.5 miles the night before with BGR (Black Girls Run), I was fairly tired and so sore. So the night before, I packed my Race Recovery Kit which included a bottle of water, a towel, some pain reliever, and peanut butter and cheese crackers. I woke up at 5:30 the next morning, ate my healthy multigrain slice of bread with nutella and banana spread on top, put on my race t-shirt, packed my headphones for my Pandora app on my phone, and headed out the door. I wasn't sure if I was completely ready, but I went to the race on a mission. I was determined not to fail.

A little after 8 am, the whole group, which made up several hundred people, took off. I had trained myself to pace myself, keep my arms close to the sides, and to pay close attention to my breathing. About half a mile in, I stopped only to tie my shoe. At about 2 miles in, I began to get delirious. The path was fairly simple, through a beautiful neighborhood in the Dilworth area. It was a gorgeous morning but cool. There were some slight inclines that just about killed me, but I kept going. I remember the first song that got me pumped was Martha Munizzi's "Glorious". Some people might have thought I was crazy singing this song out loud, but the beat got me going just a little further. As I was nearing the 3rd mile, I slowed down a bit because I noticed my other shoe became untied and I seriously was not about to stop to tie it. I was so friggin close to finishing. Thank God for Israel's "I am a Friend of God" because at that moment I needed to know God was my friend and he was going to help me make it to the end of this race. I got to the finish line and I saw some of my co-workers cheering me on. I looked up at the clock and it said 38 min and some seconds which I really didn't pay attention to. I just knew I finished!

True to my emotional self, I broke down in tears. One of my co-worker's husband probably thought I had lost my mind. I knew he didn't know about the journey It took to get to this point. He didn't know that 2 months ago I could not run a mile. Nine months ago, I was well over 200 pounds. Nine months ago, I was also crying like a baby because I so desperately wanted to change from the inside out. So all of these emotions just poured out of me because at that moment, I reached a huge goal. I really didn't care about how silly I looked, because I was able to achieve what I set out to do. Later on, I went to church which was the perfect end to my day. It is always good to hear an encouraging word. Today, I spent most of the day in bed recovering, which is what I deserved to do....

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: This week was a big shocker, I lost 6 pounds guys! I am 19 pounds from my goal!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Who Run The World? GIRLS!

Next week, I am going to attempt, no I am going to run my first 5K. Now, I have really been trying to push myself to get a run in at least three times a week in addition to my regular strength training. My personal life and work schedule make it difficult to be committed to running everyday. I acquired this 5K Training Schedule, which I have been able to follow roughly the past 8 weeks, and by this week, I should be up to 3 miles (currently I am at 2.5), and theoretically should be able to run the full 3.2 miles by next Saturday. Now let me let you all in on a little secret: I don't really like to run. From the moment I start until the time I finish, all I can think about is finishing. The only thing that keeps me going is the Pandora line up of one of my favorite worship leaders, Israel Houghton, and a lot of prayer. There have been times when I just broke down and cried after running, because it takes everything I have to get to the finish line.

Well, now I am even more encouraged. Recently, a fellow facebook friend turned me on to a movement called Black Girls Run. There are literally groups of black girls running regularly all over the country, and participate in various runs as a group. I was fortunate to find a group here in Charlotte. The skeptic in me said, "Really, there are black girls all over the country running? Get the heck out of here!". I mean, I love my sisters, but honestly, I have never seen a whole group of girls who look just like me, running. It has been assumed by society that in a lot of African American communities "Black women don't like to exercise because they don't want to sweat, or get their hair messed up". And while this may be true for some of us(which I have posed the question before, is it really worth losing your quality of life just to look pretty on the surface?), there are actually beautiful women of color out there who are not afraid to get sweaty, not afraid of their hair getting "nappy" all for the sake of good ol' fashioned physical activity. I met women of all different sizes, backgrounds, and levels of activity who were committing to being healthy. Running with these ladies helped me to push myself a little bit further. Though I wasn't the fastest, I wasn't the slowest. I was able to run non-stop. I also respect the group's motto, "No woman left behind", so even the one's who were slower were assured of their ability to get to the finish line, and the leader stayed in the middle so we all stayed together.

Even though running is my least favorite thing to do, I know that it is just another challenge that I will conquer. Hopefully I will began to really enjoy running now that I know there are other ladies out there who look like me and are running with purpose. Although I may not be able to make all the runs, my goal is to participate in at least one group run a week, and one organized run every 3 months to keep my skills up. One of my life goals is to be able to run a full marathon by the time I am 40. I might be ahead of schedule....

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still holding fine at 50 lbs lost. I have loss some inches however! I am still encouraged!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

50!

If you are a facebook friend of mine, then you should know by now that I have reached my 50 pound weight loss goal as of today! I am extremely excited and terrified at the same time. It's taken long enough, and I am certainly glad to be at this point. Yet, now I know that the bar has to be raised. I still have 25 more pounds to go to make my "ideal" weight. Doesn't sound like much compared to 50, but many of you may be able to identify how hard it is to lose those last few pounds. I know that temptation is going to come at me hard these next few weeks, especially with the holidays rolling around. Why is it that they are all back to back anyway? Truly a dieter's curse!

It seems like it has taken me an awfully long time to get to this point. I've known a lot of people who have lost the same amount of weight or more in a shorter period of time. I was glad (and maybe a little envious)for them. However, now I know that the course I am taking is the one I need to take. I needed the extra time to discover the stuff that has been holding me back. I needed extra time to reflect on the person that I am, which I have come to find out is a pretty decent person. If I had been able to get to this point quicker, I would have missed out on how therapeutic this journey has been for my spirit, and I probably would have bounced back into old habits because I would not have fully appreciated the process.

I have just got to give my pastor, Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC a huge shout out(he may not even read this, but this is a testimony to all of my friends and family). Every week he comes with the word of course, but I don't know how God manages to line Pastor Furtick's word with the situations I am going through at that moment. We have begun a new study series on Hebrews 12. Today his focus was on the first 3 scriptures, but I scrolled down to Hebrews 12:11 which reads, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." I can't wait until we touch on this one. I just want to put it on a t-shirt and sell it! This applies to every area of my life, most specifically to weight loss. If anything takes discipline, it is sticking to a life long weight loss and management plan. Every step of the way has been painful, not just physically, but emotionally.

The other day, I was just having such a strong attack on my spirit. I was being snappy with my son and my husband. I left the house and went to work out. I then stopped by Wal-mart to look for something, but then I saw it...McDonald's! Now, I am not a big fan of McDonald's. But as a parent (and a busy one at that), I find myself frequenting this establishment on the days I don't have time to cook. The kid is happy,and I am relieved(and, just in case you are wondering, I do chose the healthier options for my child). On this fateful night, I really wanted something that was not so healthy. Torn, I walked through the store for about 30 minutes, trying to clear my head and think rationally about the bad decision I was about to make. I did go to McDonald's, but I got a small cup of low fat yogurt, and not the greasy chicken sandwich that I really wanted. A small victory in my eyes!

Pastor Steven hit on 4 points on why people just stop trying based on the scriptures. The last one, "We never realize how close we are to victory", hit me the hardest. I am definitely closer to victory than I was 8 months ago when I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself. My visions for myself: spiritual, mental and physical, are so much clearer now that I have gotten rid of the "weight". I bought a shirt at church today with a lyric from the song we sing which will always remind me of my struggles, but also remind me that there is hope. It reads, "I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me." The next line goes "My flesh may fail, but my God you never will."

Here's to brand new victories over the flesh everyday!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 50, yes five-zero baby!



Thursday, September 15, 2011

When Everyone Is Okay With You but You


Me, Sept 2011

The last couple of weeks, I have been working hard to meet my 50 pound weight loss mark. It has been very difficult, coming off slowly, but physically I feel strong. Along with the weight loss comes the wonderful compliments from friends, coworkers and family. Believe me, I appreciate them all. At times, however, I feel a little awkward receiving them and I am at a lost as to how to respond. I have come a long way, but I am not yet where I need or want to be. Many have said I look great at the current weight I am at. My husband even jokingly (but,I think he was a little serious) said that he only wanted me to lose seven more pounds. He thinks I am beautiful just as I am at this moment in time. I have tried to explain to him that I have to lose what I feel is necessary to lose in order to feel like I really accomplished what I set out to do, which is to be at a healthy weight for life. I know how easy it is for people in my family to gain weight. I don't want to get to a point where I am too comfortable with myself thinking that the weight cannot creep on up again.

I think about the possibility of us having another child. I hope that this time around I will be at a better mental and physical state to lose the baby weight more easily if I get pregnant at a healthy weight. I just don't want to get into that cycle again. I know how easily stressed and frustrated I get at life when things don't go as I plan them. It is very hard for me to "go with the flow", which places me at a higher risk to be an emotional eater. I have felt at times as if I was a drug addict who hit rock bottom. Only a person who knows what it means to hit rock bottom, knows that it is at that point you start recognizing something in your life has to drastically change. Yet the demons, the temptations are always there in the midst of your triumphs. For a person who is fragile and new to recovery, the self doubt sets in, which begins the cycle.

I love that everyone is okay with the "new me". However, I want to be able to feel okay deep down in my soul. I don't want to feel like my confidence or body image is superficial. But I guess sometimes one has to create a facade in order to get through life, until that feeling of unwavering confidence completely shines through. With all that being said, I hope this didn't sound too depressing. This is just what I am feeling at the moment. Pray for me that I remember what God sees in me is so much greater than what I see, and he is never wrong!


Me, July 2010





WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 49 lbs! Almost there....

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Something to Look Forward To...

I've come to the realization that in order for me to be satisfied with my life in every area, I need to have something to look forward to all the time. I discovered this some years back when I was planning my wedding.Planning was stressful because I am not a very detail oriented person, and I had some problems visualizing what I wanted my wedding to be like. As tedious as the whole planning process was, after the event was over, I felt like I was in "wedding withdrawal". My saturday would no longer be filled with trips to Garden Ridge for decorations, planning the food and guests list. I felt a bit of a void until my next adventure, motherhood , came along. For nine months I planned for this little person that would change my entire life. I imagined what he or she would look like. I even looked forward to the monthly then weekly doctor's appointments. When he finally arrived, I was in awe of his presence. The anticipation was over. I remember feeling a void as my identity shifted from being Sanpri, to Jason's wife, and now David's mother.

As I am embracing a new, healthier me, I have rediscovered that joy I once had looking for the next great thing to happen in my life. This "thing" can even be on a small scale(i.e painting my wall, "what will my picture look like on that freshly painted wall?") For the last few weeks, I have been training to run a charity marathon. Okay, so it's only a 5K. But then I think of how far I have come. I couldn't even walk a mile, and now I can run one. I look forward to everyday that I can work out to attain a new distance or improved time. I haven't felt this great physically in a long time.

The change in my physical appearance has given me a boost mentally as I start to feel more confident about who I am. I actually like to shop for myself now! I am grateful everyday I can wake up and make health-conscience decisions about my diet("pancakes or grapefruit and yogurt?"), my mental health ("I will not let that patient's family get to me today!"), and my physical health ("I think I can do the jump rope twice as fast today!"). At times, I have found my self worrying about what I will have to look forward to once I meet my goal weight. So, I made myself a big promise. Every January that comes around and I am five pounds within my goal weight, I am going to celebrate in a big way!


Everyday is a new challenge, a new beginning, a new journey. Everyday I look back over my mistakes(but don't dwell on them), and look forward to my victories!



WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 47 lbs ya'll! 3 lbs from reaching the next short term goal, 28 lbs from my goal weight!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What I Learned On the Other Side of the World

Well, it has been about 3 weeks since my last blog. During this time, I lost a couple pounds, gained them back, and I have been pretty steady at the same weight since the last time I shared with you all. While normally I would throw myself into a pretty big funk over not losing weight, I feel pretty good at where I am right now. I am not saying that I still don't want to meet my goal. I set off on this journey to finish what I started, and if it takes me 5, 10 years to get to where I ideally should be, then so be it. As long as I am making progress.

Anyhoo,while I was in Rome, I gained a new appreciation for life overall. A few observations of the city/country: 1. No one was particularly friendly. While there were some people who were helpful, no one really went out of his/her way to be extra courteous. 2. Central air:non-existent. Okay, it's pretty bad when only a few restaurants have air, and those that do make it a point to display this on their windows. Our hotel room, though cozy, was hot at times. 3. They do not give or receive money in their hands. Funny how I noticed this right away. I even think it may be an offense for your hands to touch during the exchange. 4. No one was particularly overweight. While Italians do enjoy their food and wine, they do a considerable amount of walking, which was to my benefit during my stay. 5. Italians think very highly of themselves. Now I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this. In fact, I admire this quality. The majority of the locals were very fashion forward. The artists and sculptors from medieval times paid very close attention to detail, and worked endlessly on their masterpieces until it was perfect.

Now that you have a little background of my experience in Italy, I will get to my favorite part. I loved, loved, loved the food. The flavors, the texture, the freshness. Dinner was my favorite part of the day, and not just because I was inhaling large amounts of food.The best part was after a long day of walking and sightseeing, I could sit down and really enjoy my meal. The servers were not in a hurry for you to leave their establishments. I guess they figure after you've had a few glasses of wine, you will continue to be hungry and order more food. Just being able to have a long conversation with my girls over great food and wine was relaxing and made the trip worth every penny. For those moments, I forgot I was trying to lose weight. I was just taking in the shear ecstasy of being in new surroundings. I remember our tour guide for the Uffizi Gallery in Florence explained to us how many artists liked to depict religious scenes to display the beauty of God, and how God is love. The human figures were by no means perfect.The idea was that they were perfect in the eyes of God. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, or the artist. The details that were captured in all the paintings, the subtle nuances, grabbed my attention.

I thought back to everything I have learned in my journey as a Christian trying to lose weight. I am not perfect, but I am a creation made out of love, the love of God. I have probably mentioned this before, but just knowing this makes me want to commit even more so to living healthy. I just feel so blessed that I was able to have this unforgettable adventure. Seeing the world from another view has definitely given me a wonderful new insight on how awesome God is, and the life he has given me!

WEIGHT LOSS: STILL HOLDING STRONG AT 44 lbs lost! If you have not, I recommend everyone visits somewhere out of the country, or even on the other side of the country. You will discover some amazing things!

Monday, August 1, 2011

I'm allowed to indulge a little, right?

This week I am hoping will be one of the most exciting weeks of my life. I am going to Italy! Among the sites and people, I know that there will be a lot of food! While I feel that I have emotional eating under control, for the most part, my biggest fear is eating just because food is there and I can. Part of me says, " I'm paying a lot of money to be on this trip, I might as well just go for it and enjoy it all". But the other part of me says "Remember, everything in moderation..." I've come so far over the last 6 months as far as my ability to overcome temptation, and I have been trying to push myself physically to feel better from the inside out.

I really don't want to allow one week to change the rest of my life in a negative way. Maybe I am being over dramatic, as I tend to be sometimes if you really know me. However, I am just trying to plan ahead. I am grateful that we will be doing TONS of walking, so hopefully most of the calories I consume will burn off quickly. I've also heard that Europeans eat smaller portions, unlike us frivolous Americans, lol. My mother told me that most of the people she observed while over in Europe were not overweight, and that things in general tend to be smaller. She also said that people seemed to be happier. I thought this was interesting.

Here in the United States, we have so much. We have to have the biggest cars, the biggest houses. We waste a lot of resources. Yet, a lot of people hide behind these material things to mask the unhappiness they feel about themselves. I know I have been guilty of this, which has in the past led down the path to unhealthy eating habits. So, the question is can I indulge without suffering the consequences? Well, let me put it this way: I am not going to consume anything that I am going to feel guilty about. I want to take in the whole scene of Rome and Florence, and there is so much more to Italy than food. I plan on indulging in the experience of being on another side of the world. When in Rome, I will do what the Romans do!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 44 lbs!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's Time To Celebrate!!!

There was a time when I would walk by a mirror and not even look at it. I felt ashamed of what I would see. Using public restrooms to wash my hands and especially trying on clothes was very frustrating. As other girls would primp in the mirror, I was trying hard to avoid looking my self in the eyes,embarrassed to even look in the mirror's direction. I really don't know when this habit started, but I know it has denied me the right to celebrate myself for a long time.

Well, now I earnestly try to find things about myself that I truly admire everyday, regardless of whether I am having a bad hair day. I force myself to see what God sees, although I think God sees through rose colored glasses sometimes. "What is so beautiful about a short, stout black girl?" I would say to God. And there are times when He would whisper to me, "Well, Sanpri what isn't beautiful about a short, stout, black girl? Or a tall and skinny one for that matter? Who defines beauty to you? And why does your definition trump mine, after all I created you and I think I know what I'm doing" Once I brought myself back to God's reality, then I could appreciate the person, "the me", that He has made.

Today is my birthday! I am 30 years old and 39 lbs lighter since January 2011. I literally loss weight the size of my 3yr old! For the short amount of time I have been celebrating 30, I feel a little bit freer. I don't know what it is about reaching these age milestones, but you just feel like you can let go a little more and give less than a hoot about what other people think about you. This is a great feeling. I don't feel older, I just feel lighter in body, and in my mind. It's time to celebrate this awesome liberty!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 39 lbs! Thank you Lord for this day!

Friday, July 1, 2011

I Need A Grace Period!!!

Yep, sooooo I didn't update my blog last Sunday. It was a rough week. I don't know why but I have felt spiritually attacked lately. You know when your day starts off wrong, and then a domino effect just continues to shape your day, and not in a good way? Well, that was my day last Thursday. I thank God that I have several people in my life that are able to sow good words into me, because I almost lost it that day. Though I did not gain any weight, I did not lose any weight because I allowed one day to affect the progress I had made the previous week. I decided that I needed to take a mental grace period, so that I could get back on track.

As long as I keep living, I know that bad days will come. Giving my self a grace period after having a not-so-good day,helps me to refocus my attention on the progress I made thus far. A grace period for me means having to sit still and calm down. I need to really give myself a break,seriously. I am easily worked up,and easily frustrated about circumstances beyond my control. This is quite funny to me, because how much do we really control in the grand scheme of things? My current circumstances do not determine the final outcome. I still have so much more to look forward to, not just in weight loss, but life in general.

I find it extremely humorous how God is able to reveal himself to me so that I can push forward. First, he gives me an amazing mother who I can confide in, who listens and gives me honest feedback. Then, he gives me a husband who is brutally honest at times when I really don't want him to be, but I know that in most incidences it brings me back down to Earth. Finally, he leads me to an amazing ministry, in which every week there is a word that applies specifically to a situation I am going through. We had a guest speaker who is a New York Times best seller and member of my church. The take-home message from her sermon was how our reactions determine our reach. Reacting positive in a negative situation is hard, but it can really make a difference in the outcome.I am thankful that I was able to mentally check out for a period, count my blessings except my mishaps, and check back in to refocus on my overall well being.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 36 lbs. 5 more pounds until my next short term goal! Reward time!

Monday, June 20, 2011

"Exercising" My Full Potential

This week at church, one of our campus pastor's preached in the absence of our lead pastor. Pastor Brey spoke on "Potential". One of the key points stated was, " Embrace your weaknesses to recognize your potential". So, I thought to myself,"What are my weaknesses?" I mean, I should know the answer to this question by now, after all, it is often one of the many questions asked when I have interviewed for different jobs. I remember as a teenager interviewing for a job, my stepdad gave me a different way to approach this question. Instead of starting off with "Well, some of my weaknesses are...", start off with, "I consider what would be deemed as "weaknesses" as areas for improvement that I am working on mastering daily...". At the time I did not think the phrase made much sense, but I believe this answer played a major part in me getting the job every time.

Rather then dwell on what I am not good at(i.e I am clearly not made for running), I am learning to try to improve in areas that I am the least confident in my abilities. So, I can't run a 5K. However, I can run 15 minutes straight without stopping now, which I hadn't been able to do at the beginning of this journey. I am not always good at meal planning, but I am learning to mentally count calories, and practice portion control. By recognizing areas in which I need improvement, I can formulate a plan of action. Many of us tend to dwell on the negativity of the "weakness" then trying to turn the weakness into a strength. In my past, the "dwelling" approach often caused discouragement, non-compliance with my weight program,self-pity, and eventually weight gain.

I truly want to end the negative cycle. I've realized I have been going at this for 5 months now. I'm tired. I'm hungry. But I am recognizing my potential through my efforts to rebuke carnal desires. The areas in my life that I thought were my weaknesses,lack of self control and self assurance, are slowly revolving into strengths which are reflected through my physical appearance. It is a wonderful thing when good health glows from the inside out.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 34 POUNDS! Yaay me!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Allow Me To Vent...

I guess some of you may have realized I did not post anything last week. It's been a bummer kinda week. I feel great, but I am down because I am stuck at the same three numbers. I did finally make an appointment with a dietician, whose first available appointment was not until my next day off next month. So yaaay me! Obviously, I am not doing something right. I have lost weight without exercise before. Yet, I have modified my diet and I am exercising, but nothing is working for me this week.

I totally broke down in front of my husband one night while I was exercising, stating "I hate this!!!" I hate that I can't be skinny mini, I hate that I can't eat what I want, I hate exercising! Well, I don't mind exercising, I just hate having to exercise in order to get the results I want. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I had to find an outfit for my husband's semi-formal family reunion. There is nothing more terrifying to me than trying on clothes. I hate the full length mirrors. I don't like being in between plus size and "regular" size. I don't like the fact that there are very few places that offer clothes that properly fit busty, short, small-waisted, thick thighed women. I finally settled on an outfit. To my disappointment I could not find a pretty little sun dress to hide my problem parts, but settled on a black and white shirt/pants set.

Just when I wanted to fold, just when I wanted to grab a large cheeseburger and some fries (which, if you know me well, I don't eat a lot of beef or fries for that matter), I saw the cover of this month's Ebony Magazine, featuring Jill Scott on the cover. While I did not get a chance to read her article in depth, I noticed how amazing she looked. I am a HUGE Jill Scott fan, anyway. I think she is beautiful, a trendsetter, creative, and uber talented. So, I skimmed through the article and read that she had lost 50 lbs! Amazing! I really don't know how long it took her to lose it, but as a long time follower, I know she has always been on the heavier side. Beautiful, nonetheless. I found myself wondering what was her breaking point? What was her inspiration? What's the name of her trainer?lol.  Then, I had an epiphany. I still lost over 30 pounds. I am still pretty darn cute. I can still do this!

So, as I embark on my first of two family reunions for the summer, I hope to stay strong amidst the yummy food and make health-conscience choices for my benefit. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still the same as the last entry :( But not any heavier :)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

7 Pounds, 7 days: What is going through my head?!

Okay, for all intensive purposes, I must warn you that this week's blog may not make a lick of sense. I found it hard to come up with a topic this week. This has been such an interesting week as far as my life is concerned. I finally got some much needed sleep, after suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome since my son's birth. Though having the cortisone shots nearly killed me the 1st night, the subsequent nights have been wonderful. Not one time did I wake up with intense, numbing pain in my hands. I had the priviledge of attending a  relationship seminar hosted by my church, featuring Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The "Love and Respect" seminar based off of his highly acclaimed book, is really blessing my marriage just by changing my thought process on communication within a marriage.  So, I am feeling pretty empowered right about now because my body and mind have been renewed in different ways. I am having a very positive outlook at this moment.

Somehow, my mind drifted to the movie "Seven Pounds" featuring Will Smith over the weekend. Although the intent of the movie was good, I thought it made absolutely no connection between the title and the actual movie(or did I miss something?). I mean did his organs weigh seven pounds before he gave them away? Did the jellyfish he reminisced about weigh seven pounds? I mean I just didn't get it. And although I know he was grieving over the loss of his wife in the accident, I just didn't understand why he felt the need to kill himself by torturing himself in a bathtub full of ice and jellyfish before his organs were generously given away. Yeah, and it was so romantic that his heart went to his new love!(NOT!!!)  Maybe I am just not that deep. But I digress...

However, the number seven  is a great number. It means completion. God made the world as we know it in seven days. I don't think it was a mistake that this number is referenced several times throughout the bible. Then, I thought about the number "10". It means perfection. Think of the phrases,  "A perferct ten", "I give it a score of 10 out of 10", and so on. Just now while writing this, I thought "Wow, I am not perfect, but I am complete". In the midst of my journey to a healthier me, I realized God has made me completely capable, completely confident, completely beautiful in his image and completely disciplined. I am still going to be whole, even if I am not a size 2. I have realized that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes what the world perceives as "perfect" (i.e the perfect look, the perfect size, your Halle Berrys, Kim Kardashians, what ever other person society pegs in this category), may not always be complete. I would much rather be a complete person striving for perfection, then a "perfect" person striving for completion. The only being that ever exhibited both perfection and completion to me is Jesus Christ. He was/is flawless and whole. I am a christian, which means "christ-like". I ain't perfect, nor will I ever be. But through Christ's perfection, I am made whole(or complete). I can strive to be like him everyday. In my efforts to be like more like him, I will be blessed. The same concept applies to weight loss for me. In my effort to be a healthier me, I may not always hit the mark. However, working hard will yield positive results.

For those of you who have reached the end of this blog and did not get side tracked by my randomness, I would like you to know that I did lose over 2 lbs this week!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 31 lbs...Yipee!!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Problem Parts

It's funny how when you go to family gatherings, you notice physical resemblances between relatives, even ones that don't really look like you. Somehow, being in a room filled with people from the same genetic pool helps you to discover your identity even more. A few months ago, we were all gathered at my grandmother Louise's home after her funeral. There was so much love in that house, as well as a lot of good food, and laughter. I also noticed that there were a lot of hips! I remember my grandmother speaking to me on several occasions about her younger years. She and her two sisters were well known for their figures. The Wilson Sisters.

Looking around the house, I saw evidence of their reputations still living in their offspring. The women in my family are beautiful: different shades of Black, different personalities, different sizes. However, there a few commonalities among us: we were all blessed with hips, butt and thighs that won't quit. It is quite hilarious to me that the areas I have the hardest time toning are the same areas that made my grandmother and her sisters, on a small scale, famous. Kim Kardashian ain't got nothing on the Wilsons! The past two weeks have been absolutely frustrating, I am the same weight. I found myself looking at my Wilson parts, and sometimes asking "Why won't you just go away?" Well, you can't get rid of genetics, no matter how hard you try. Even the skinniest women in my family are still bootylicious. So why did I foolishly think that these parts of my body would just disappear?

Well, yet again, I am looking over my diet and work out plan. I have decided that I need professional help. Not the psychiatric kind, but I would really like a nutritional consultant and personal trainer. I hope that there are ones that understand the uniqueness of my situation. I want to be able to pay homage to my heritage, keep the girlie parts that make me so special,  but still lose weight in a healthy way. Believe me, I have been to the point that I really want to give up. I am at work, and all week we have all these unhealthy free lunches. My husband still eats whatever he wants. I past by all my favorite food places on the way home. I don't get a lot of sleep, so that is more time for me to be up and hungry. Yet, I am going to push on. I can make it over this hump, I just might not lose the hump in the back!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still just 28 lbs...keeping it moving!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Giving God Control, Dreaming Bigger and Gettting Smaller

Well, today church was just awesome! We are starting a new series on relationships called "Mr. and Mrs. Better Half".While most of what pastor Furtick said related to relationships between men and women, there was one phrase he said that I felt related to me and how I see myself. When it comes to what I want for my life I need to "speak to my destiny".  I need to bring my destiny to life by being positive that God will allow a change to manifest because I allow Him the control through being faithful.

I am a control freak, and I get easily stressed by situations that I am not able to control. Like just yesterday, I was in a hurry to leave the hair salon to get to work, and freakishly backed my car into a tree that was in the middle of the parking lot. The impact shattered the glass and mangled the frame of my SUV's back door. Okay, well I could have controlled this situation by watching where I was going. However, the fact that it had already happened was not under my control. All I could do was deal with the consequences and have faith that I would come out of the situation on top.

As the day unfolded, I felt overwhelmed, almost hysterical because of the shear stupidity of the accident. It took a couple of good friends to remind me that maybe this was God's way of telling me to slow down. When I am moving at full speed, I have difficulty seeing what it is that God is trying to do in my life. This pertains to just about everything: my marriage, my friendships, my job, my finances, my child. Although in all natural circumstances, I am able to control my weight, a huge part of keeping my weight in check is surrendering to the will of God. I was not able to do this whole heartedly throughout my life.  God wants me to be healthy, strong and productive. The best way to serve God most effectively is feeling your best first!

So, I am fully committed to dreaming bigger, speaking life, in order to get smaller. This weekend has taught me that I need to slow down and focus on the big picture. I dream of one day being able to look at myself and completely love what God has created. I am not saying that you have to be smaller in order to love your self, but in my situation I feel that I have to love myself in order to reach my goal of being smaller.


THIS WEEK'S WEIGHT LOSS: 1 lb...not much, but it is still a loss! Total of 28 lbs!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Finally, I made it to my first short term goal!

I am pretty sure no one noticed, but I purposely skipped last week's blog because I felt like such a failure. For two weeks I was stuck at the same darn weight! And I didn't know why. I felt completely uninspired, so I had to allow myself a little pity party...but only for  moment. After I dusted myself off, I combed through my diet and workout routine with a fine tooth comb. Had I taken in a few of those "bad" carbs? Yes, I did! I have determined that my body just can't handle certain enriched pastas. Had I started my free weight program? No, I didn't because I was too much of a coward to get out there on the mat in the gym. Sure, I know nobody is concerned about what I am doing, but I can't help but feel a little self conscience. Thankfully, a good friend of mine gave me a couple of her free weights so now I can do my own program in the comfort of my home.

I am looking at myself in a new light, well at least this week. Trying not to body bash, because God thinks I am beautiful (after all he did make me in his image), my husband thinks I am sexy (well I think that is one of the reasons he married me, I hope not the only reason), so why wasn't I giving my self any credit? Although I was stuck at the same weight, I did notice my body changing in areas that have not changed in years.A few of my pants are a little looser. So something was happening. What did that stupid scale know anyway?

I think I did become a little obsessed with the scale. Instead of just weighing myself once a day, I would do it throughout the day.This has not been such a good idea because our weights vary throughout the day. But, because I am a creature of habit, I need to weigh myself on a daily basis to keep myself in check. It is so easy for me to get off track. Now I am rejoicing, I reached my 1st short term goal weight. I have not seen that number in about 2 yrs, and now I am so ready to get past that number. I am excited because I am learning to do something that I have had difficulty doing for long time: Celebrate me and not sweat the small stuff!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 27 lbs. I reached my 1st goal!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Milk:It Does A Body Good

   I have never been a big milk drinker. Even as a child, I would only put just enough milk over my cereal to cover it, would only drink it if it was mixed with something (i.e icecream, chocolate syrup), or if I needed it for cooking purposes. I remember as a grad student at the University of Central Florida, I had this crazy roommate, who I would call obsessed with milk (T, if by chance you are reading this, you know I love you girl!). Most of us in the apartment could use a half gallon of milk in 1 week, maybe a week in a half. I swear T would drink like a gallon a day. She even had these pajamas with cows on it and the little footies. Can you imagine a grown female with a one piece red pajama suit covered with cows and footies? It was hilarious, but she was unashamed about her milk obsession.

   Recently, I have been drinking these carnation instant breakfast powders in the mornings, which you have to mix with a glass of milk. Ideally for the extremely health conscience person, fat free skim milk is the milk of choice. But, I have not reached that point yet, and I have settled for 2% lactose free milk to prevent stomach upset. However, this last week, I was unable to get to the store after I ran out of my milk. So for breakfast I would eat some fruit and nutella and a bottle of water. But this week, I noticed that I gained weight. Well, you can imagine my frustration. Not only did I gain weight, but I was further away from my goal. I hadn't changed my workout routine, and  I pretty much ate the same type of meals with the same frequency. But I put on 3 pounds!

   Looking  back over the week, I realized that I had not had my daily glass of milk. I have read various articles that suggest one glass of milk daily, regardless of the fat content, can aid in weight loss. Now even though I have heard of this before, I never considered it because at that point in my life I was not actively trying to lose weight. After an intense workout at the gym on Friday, I went to the store and got my milk. Now, I don't know if it was the workout, or the fact that I was able to drink my milk the next morning before work, but I am back on the losing side. So, maybe my dear friend T was onto something. Though you may not see me leaping for joy in a cow jumpsuit, I think I may be a new fan of milk. There are so many healthy ways to make it enjoyable for me, that I am able to make it a regular part of my diet, and hopefully lose some weight!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Well, tune in next week. I think I may reach my goal!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Mixing It Up

Although I did lose a few pounds this week, it was tough. I worked out hard as usual, ate as well as I have been eating, but would step on the scale and did not get the results I felt I should get. I am still one pound short of my first short term goal, which I should have met this week. One pertinent element of my fitness routine that I did notice was that I am not doing a variety of activities to keep my interest in exercise. This is my typical routine at the gym: I get on the stair climber, then alternate running and walking on the treadmill, the elliptical, and then the weight machines. I try to time each workout so that it is a little over an hour, because I don't think I could stand much more than that.

Looking back, I remember being in grad school in Orlando and I would frequent a local park to try to teach myself how to rollerblade. Now, I could hardly skate on 4 wheels, and I was trying to skate on 3. It was quite hilarious! I would only skate during the non-populated hours and warn the people who were experts at rollerblading to quickly skate around me because I didn't know how to stop without veering into the grass. I even fell into the mud one time. As terrible as I was at rollerblading, I really enjoyed it. Now, I feel the need to be a bit more responsible because I have a family. I can't risk breaking a leg trying to be adventurous.

However, I  do feel the need to be a little more open to other methods of exercise. I really have not indulged in any exercise DVDs, I hear that P90X is great! Heck, I even thought about pole dancing (don't judge me! :P). I am open to Zumba and ballroom dancing, and it is a goal of mine to take swimming lessons. You see, I am in this thing for the long haul. I don't want to be bored trying to stay healthy. I would venture to say that monotony is one of the primary reasons people fall off the healthy train. My first step to changing up my routine is to buy some free weights. Yes, they have them at the gym, but I am a little too shy to sit in the middle of the gym doing odd exercises in front of everybody(it took me months to build up the courage to work out on the weight machines because I was so self-conscience).

I plan on adding something new to my regimen at least once a month. I welcome any other safe suggestions to modifying my daily workout routine. And please, continue to pray for me while I am on my journey.

WEIGHT LOSS AFTER 9 WEEKS: 25 pounds! 1 pound away from my first short term goal!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Discovering My Inner Chef

Growing up, I didn't really have a desire to learn how to cook as a child. It could have been because I was raised by my single mom for the most part, and she really did not have the time to teach me how to cook while she was trying to be the best mom she could be, work full time and go to school part time. I only got to see my dad(who is a pretty good cook), on weekends. While the food he cooked was great, half the time, I didn't know what it was(he tends to get pretty creative). There was always some kind of variation to traditional spaghetti or pot roast, so it got kinda hard to follow.

Becoming more nutritionally aware has allowed me to discover that while I don't always have the time to cook, I actually like to cook. There are foods out there that can be prepared in 30 minutes or less, which are healthy and delicious. I was never a really a big meat eater, because I didn't know how many ways you could creatively prepare meat. I began to research different recipes and discover ways I could spice up my bland meat life. One food that has always been consistent in my life was fish, so I have even discovered ways to make fish even more enjoyable.  Even veggies can be made differently than what I only knew. I discovered that the key to enjoying healthier meals is seasoning (my favorite poultry seasoning is Bet's Seasoning located at Harris Teeter, in case you wanted to know :))

So, on this journey, I have been cooking at least 3 times a week. I usually try to prepare the meal the night before. I look forward to eating that meal all day, and when I get home all I have to do is nuke it the microwave. I am actually saving money too, go figure! I am cooking right now as I am typing this blog, got my ribs in the crock pot getting all good and tender for me!lol

Please, feel free to share any quick, healthy recipes that will help me and others along this journey to a healthier lifestyle.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE AFTER 8 WEEKS: 23 lbs...I am 3 lbs away from my first short term goal!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

JENNIFER HUDSON: MY SHERO

Jennifer Hudson: a girl who didn't win American Idol, but is probably the most noteworthy contestant in the history of the show---grammy, Oscar, numerous other awards and accolades. I was reviewing her life through some interviews she has had, and I realized how similar we were. Besides being Black, and female, we both love to sing (though she is like 10 times more amazing!), we both continue to overcome family tragedy (nearly her entire immediate family murdered, my sister commited suicide), we both have son's named David (what a wonderful name of character!). We also have another significant similarity between us: we are both overcoming our struggles with weight.

Now, perhaps she is a bit farther along in her journey than I am, but I am amazed at how far she has come. For her, it wasn't just about being constantly scrutinized by the unforgiving media about her weight, but it was about being a role model for the people in her family, most importantly her son. She was recently on an episode of Oprah, with some members of her family, who have also joined the Weight Loss Challenge with her. Not only is her triumph a testimony to her family, but to the African American community as a whole. We have to take charge of our health...forget the hair, the clothes, the nails. Sure, we will look pretty. But is it worth dying a premature death just to look pretty in a coffin?

As morbid as that sounds, it is the truth. It is a truth that I see every day in the hospital I work at.  Young, obese Black males and females, with kidney failure, diabetes, amputations, and strokes in their 40s! I  see wives who should be enjoying an early retirement with their husbands, sitting vigilantly for hours at the beside of their mate. I see children trying to figure out how they are going to take care of mama or daddy, who needs 24 hr care at home, and they have to work full time. These truths I try to reveal regularly to my husband, who never really takes into account the importance of healthy eating and quality of life. To be honest, the reality of me being that wife at the bedside of my husband, scares me.

But I digress, back to Jennifer. She is definitely on the right path. In a recent interview published in April's Essence magazine, the author took note on how "Jennifer's weight loss is having a powerful effect on other people".  "Now people come up to me saying 'You've inspired me'," she says in response to that. What a great feeling to have, to know that you have inspired someone to want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want that feeling. I hope that I can give birth to that feeling by inspiring my family and others in my community as well.

My new favorite quote for living an empowered life: "If you don't like something, change it, fix it, and celebrate"---Jennifer Hudson. And that is exactly what I intend to do.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 18 lbs! Go me! Go me!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

No Gain, No Loss, just Resistance

Well, this week, I did not reach my mini goal, but thankfully I did not gain any weight. I did miss a couple of workouts this week, but I tried to make up for that with time on my treadmill. I guess it just wasn't intense enough to warrant a loss in pounds. Nonetheless, I feel a bit lighter, especially after the message at church today.

We started a new series called "The Resistance", and  our pastor Steven Furtick initiated a co-pastoring session between 3 of our campus pastors on three different ways that we face resistance in our lives, that resistance being something that keeps us from being all that God has called us to be. We face resistance from 1. the world 2. the flesh 3. the Devil. Obviously, my struggle with weight is a struggle with the flesh. Pastor Bishop made this statement "Don't let your desires derail your destiny. Instead subject your flesh to the Spirit".

So 2 questions popped in my head, as I was crying my eyes out during the sermons. 1. What is my destiny? and 2. How do I subject myself to the spirit?  I really don't think I can know what my destiny is until I arrive at it. I have dreams, I have goals,  but ultimately God's plan for me will prevail. Whatever his plan is, it is only for my good. I venture to say that I hope that I have some kind of epiphany once I've arrived to the place God wants me to be. However, I do know that there is a path that I must take to reach that place. I do feel that losing and keeping the weight off is a small stepping stone along the path to my destiny. I have attained the knowledge that being disciplined and prayeful at times when I feel like my flesh is weak are ways to subject my flesh to the Spirit. The Spirit keeps us in line with God's will.

I desire to eat whatever I want and not suffer the consequences. I desire to not have to exercise just about everyday to keep my weight down. I desire to be able to go to a restaurant and not have to be conscience of my food choices. But these desires have the potential of keeping me from my destiny. I am not willing to keep taking that risk.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still just 16 lbs...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

When Stress Tries to Get In the Way of Your Progress

This week, I did not think I was going to make it to my short term goal. This week, or more like the last 2 weeks have involved stressful situations regarding my loved ones. This week, I wanted a double cheeseburger from Wendy's!

While my typical reaction to stress is to turn to food, I had to really find it in me to push myself more at the gym to release some endorphins. I was at a breaking point, on the brink of feeling sorry for myself and the circumstances that almost literally drove me to Wendy's. Well, I did drive to Wendy's. But I got a salad! Yay for me! I also took some time in the mornings to wake up about ten minutes early, which was pushing it because I already get up at 5:45. I just started praying random prayers. Sometimes I think my prayer life is so erratic, and I have trouble keeping my thoughts organized. But I know God knows my heart, as cliche' as that sounds, so sometimes I would just lie in bed and just cry for a moment, just hoping he would hear what I was trying to say through the tears.

Before,you start to feel sorry for me, this process was actual therapeutic. Though I was a wee bit cranky because of the lack of sleep, I did feel better. I was ready to push through and stay on track with my healthier way of living. I didn't have to search very far to find the fortunes that I have been given in life. That even though I struggle with certain things, I am very blessed. I have four men in my life who love me very much (my father, step father, husband, son). I have a wonderful and supportive mother.  My friends are few, but the ones I have are lifetime friends. I have a a good career that pays well (though you wouldn't know it when I pay the bills at the end of the month, but hey they get paid). I have a God who loves me---who hears my cries and knows my struggles.

So, at the end of this past week, I was able to reach my goal, clearly by the grace of God, because I did not feel like I put in as much effort as I should have. However, I have resolved to keep going forward and give my stresses to Him.

WEIGHT LOSS AFTER 6 WEEKS: 16 lbs!              

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Oh the Temptation!

This past week has been particularly hard for me. While I have been whole heartedly committed to my new lifestyle, I have been faced with a lot of temptation this week. My husband, while he undoubtedly supports my choice to live a healthier existence, he is not on this journey with me. So, trips to the grocery store usually consists of me buying delicious healthy items as well as the foods my husband enjoys---hot dogs, pizzas, bologna, cheese, icecream and so on...

While I don't want to force my new way of living on him, it is hard not to get frustrated when I am walking this road by myself. Along with frustration, usually leads to temptation, and the cycle of unhealthy eating begins again. I find myself thinking about food constantly throughout the day. I came home from a meeting and saw 2 boxes of Papa Johns Pizza on the table, all of its cheesy pepperoni goodness. Passing over the macaroni and cheese and stromboli at work has truly been agonizing for me, and not to mention the waffle fries...my God the WAFFLE FRIES!!!

As a means of tackling my temptation, I realized that I had to stock healthy, low calorie, but satisfying snacks within my reach. I am now a big fan of the 100 calorie popcorn bags, tangerines, and veggie straws from Costco. I have come to the non-clinincally diagnosed conclusion that I may have an oral fixation, and I just like to have something in my mouth. Sugar free icebreakers sour are also my friend. They really curb my appetite for some reason. And prayer. I have daily short conversations with my Savior, because the times I feel like I am alone in this journey I know he is always with me. I hope that whatever temptations you may face on a daily basis, you have a confidant to reach out to to reassure you that you are stronger than that  "thing" that tries to consume you.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE  5 WEEKS DOWN: 14 lbs. Slowly but surely, ya'll

Friday, February 18, 2011

FOOD IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL...NOT REALLY

Continuing with the reading from Lysa Terkeurst's Made to Crave, she describes how Satan can use food (or any other "thing" in our life that we desire in excess) in 3 different ways that can lure us from loving God how we should: 1. through cravings: trying to get our physical desires met outside the will of God 2. lust of eyes: trying to get our material desires met outside the will of God 3. Boasting: trying to get our need for significance met outside the will of God. She took an interesting look at how Satan caused Eve (and ultimately Adam) to disobey God using food as his vehicle.

Wow! This was mind blowing to me...how many times have I been to a restaurant or eatery, and the employees would taunt me by saying "would you like to try our new delectable such and such today, it is only 2.00?". Okay, so the little teenager from the counter is not Satan---I know she is only doing her job. However,  I would find myself bargaining with my self  "it's only one, I can eat just one and be okay" but the call of that particular food is so enticing that I leave with like a dozen (say Krispy Creme glazed doughnuts, for example). I would find myself doing this particularly if I was having a bad day, and I felt I deserved to indulge a little---only to feel guilty afterwards. Isn't it something how you seem to feel convicted after doing something you know was not beneficial to your well being? Whether you are a Christian or not, we all yield(or dismiss) to a little voice inside of us which tells us when we are in the wrong. And it never fails, I would feel defeated because of the guilt I felt from overindulging.

So, the past 4 weeks since I started my new weight loss program, I have been practicing the art of self restraint. Now, in the past, I have not been very good at this. This time, I have a visual to reflect on...God banishing Adam and Eve from the Garden because they were disobedient, and their decendents would endure hard times to come.It was not the apple that was evil. It was Satan who used food for evil intentions. Food was intended for nourishment, not fulfilment. God wanted to fulfil Adam and Eve with life, and they blew it because they were engulfed in temptation.  Everytime I partake of a  food that is unhealthy or I eat too much of something, it will eventually lead to a cycle of hardship for me:weight gain, depression, low self esteem.  I am choosing to be obedient every step of the way, so I can enjoy the rewards of a healthy weight, high self esteem and contentment with my life.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 12 POUNDS! Woo Hoo!

Friday, February 11, 2011

MADE FOR MORE

A few weeks ago, I went to visit my doctor for an annual check up. I normally do not dread going to the doctor, but this time I did, because over the past year and a half, I gained back 60 lbs that I had so diligently lost after I had my son. Needless to say, I had no good excuse as to why I gained the weight back. Sure, I could have said "Well, I just have so much on my plate, you know, wife, mother, full time employee, I just don't have the time to take care of me". But I just did not feel like trying to make any more excuses. I had failed, I failed myself miserably. I jumped back into the cycle of looking to food as a means of comfort, eating was my favorite hobby! My doctor, who is usually pretty mild mannered, looked me right in the face, and said "Sanpri, you need to lose weight!". This I already knew, but it stung when he said it. This statement, along with many others that were to come from people close to me(which you will discover how they have impacted me later)  prompted me into action. But this time, I was ready to commit in a big way...
While I was attending one of the weekly small group meetings for church that I co-lead, I revealed to this awesome group of women that my prayer for that week was that I would be able to stick to a weight management plan for the rest of my life. My co-leader gave me a book, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst, which I am currently reading. In chapter 5 entitled  "Made for More" Lysa explains how  "we were made for more than excuses and vicious cycles". She connects our ability to stick to a plan to our connection with God. All of the times I have loss and gained weight over the years, I have never made this connection. That phrase "Made for More" struck me, hard. I never realized that this journey that I have been on with my weight was directly related to my relationship with God. I have always loved the Lord, but I never felt like I truly understood his power. That if he has the power to resurrect his son, Jesus, than surely he has the power to help me overcome my life long struggle. I see this as an opportunity for me to draw closer to him, as well as accomplish my goal of losing and keeping off weight.

So, you will get to see chronicles of my triumphs, my failures (though I hope not too many), my vulnerability, my hopes and fears. I pray these entries will be self-medicating in a healthy and positive way. I also hope that I can help others along the way.