It's Time To Celebrate!!!

There was a time when I would walk by a mirror and not even look at it. I felt ashamed of what I would see. Using public restrooms to wash my hands and especially trying on clothes was very frustrating. As other girls would primp in the mirror, I was trying hard to avoid looking my self in the eyes,embarrassed to even look in the mirror's direction. I really don't know when this habit started, but I know it has denied me the right to celebrate myself for a long time.

Well, now I earnestly try to find things about myself that I truly admire everyday, regardless of whether I am having a bad hair day. I force myself to see what God sees, although I think God sees through rose colored glasses sometimes. "What is so beautiful about a short, stout black girl?" I would say to God. And there are times when He would whisper to me, "Well, Sanpri what isn't beautiful about a short, stout, black girl? Or a tall and skinny one for that matter? Who defines beauty to you? And why does your definition trump mine, after all I created you and I think I know what I'm doing" Once I brought myself back to God's reality, then I could appreciate the person, "the me", that He has made.

Today is my birthday! I am 30 years old and 39 lbs lighter since January 2011. I literally loss weight the size of my 3yr old! For the short amount of time I have been celebrating 30, I feel a little bit freer. I don't know what it is about reaching these age milestones, but you just feel like you can let go a little more and give less than a hoot about what other people think about you. This is a great feeling. I don't feel older, I just feel lighter in body, and in my mind. It's time to celebrate this awesome liberty!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 39 lbs! Thank you Lord for this day!

I Need A Grace Period!!!

Yep, sooooo I didn't update my blog last Sunday. It was a rough week. I don't know why but I have felt spiritually attacked lately. You know when your day starts off wrong, and then a domino effect just continues to shape your day, and not in a good way? Well, that was my day last Thursday. I thank God that I have several people in my life that are able to sow good words into me, because I almost lost it that day. Though I did not gain any weight, I did not lose any weight because I allowed one day to affect the progress I had made the previous week. I decided that I needed to take a mental grace period, so that I could get back on track.

As long as I keep living, I know that bad days will come. Giving my self a grace period after having a not-so-good day,helps me to refocus my attention on the progress I made thus far. A grace period for me means having to sit still and calm down. I need to really give myself a break,seriously. I am easily worked up,and easily frustrated about circumstances beyond my control. This is quite funny to me, because how much do we really control in the grand scheme of things? My current circumstances do not determine the final outcome. I still have so much more to look forward to, not just in weight loss, but life in general.

I find it extremely humorous how God is able to reveal himself to me so that I can push forward. First, he gives me an amazing mother who I can confide in, who listens and gives me honest feedback. Then, he gives me a husband who is brutally honest at times when I really don't want him to be, but I know that in most incidences it brings me back down to Earth. Finally, he leads me to an amazing ministry, in which every week there is a word that applies specifically to a situation I am going through. We had a guest speaker who is a New York Times best seller and member of my church. The take-home message from her sermon was how our reactions determine our reach. Reacting positive in a negative situation is hard, but it can really make a difference in the outcome.I am thankful that I was able to mentally check out for a period, count my blessings except my mishaps, and check back in to refocus on my overall well being.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 36 lbs. 5 more pounds until my next short term goal! Reward time!

"Exercising" My Full Potential

This week at church, one of our campus pastor's preached in the absence of our lead pastor. Pastor Brey spoke on "Potential". One of the key points stated was, " Embrace your weaknesses to recognize your potential". So, I thought to myself,"What are my weaknesses?" I mean, I should know the answer to this question by now, after all, it is often one of the many questions asked when I have interviewed for different jobs. I remember as a teenager interviewing for a job, my stepdad gave me a different way to approach this question. Instead of starting off with "Well, some of my weaknesses are...", start off with, "I consider what would be deemed as "weaknesses" as areas for improvement that I am working on mastering daily...". At the time I did not think the phrase made much sense, but I believe this answer played a major part in me getting the job every time.

Rather then dwell on what I am not good at(i.e I am clearly not made for running), I am learning to try to improve in areas that I am the least confident in my abilities. So, I can't run a 5K. However, I can run 15 minutes straight without stopping now, which I hadn't been able to do at the beginning of this journey. I am not always good at meal planning, but I am learning to mentally count calories, and practice portion control. By recognizing areas in which I need improvement, I can formulate a plan of action. Many of us tend to dwell on the negativity of the "weakness" then trying to turn the weakness into a strength. In my past, the "dwelling" approach often caused discouragement, non-compliance with my weight program,self-pity, and eventually weight gain.

I truly want to end the negative cycle. I've realized I have been going at this for 5 months now. I'm tired. I'm hungry. But I am recognizing my potential through my efforts to rebuke carnal desires. The areas in my life that I thought were my weaknesses,lack of self control and self assurance, are slowly revolving into strengths which are reflected through my physical appearance. It is a wonderful thing when good health glows from the inside out.


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 34 POUNDS! Yaay me!

Allow Me To Vent...

I guess some of you may have realized I did not post anything last week. It's been a bummer kinda week. I feel great, but I am down because I am stuck at the same three numbers. I did finally make an appointment with a dietician, whose first available appointment was not until my next day off next month. So yaaay me! Obviously, I am not doing something right. I have lost weight without exercise before. Yet, I have modified my diet and I am exercising, but nothing is working for me this week.

I totally broke down in front of my husband one night while I was exercising, stating "I hate this!!!" I hate that I can't be skinny mini, I hate that I can't eat what I want, I hate exercising! Well, I don't mind exercising, I just hate having to exercise in order to get the results I want. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I had to find an outfit for my husband's semi-formal family reunion. There is nothing more terrifying to me than trying on clothes. I hate the full length mirrors. I don't like being in between plus size and "regular" size. I don't like the fact that there are very few places that offer clothes that properly fit busty, short, small-waisted, thick thighed women. I finally settled on an outfit. To my disappointment I could not find a pretty little sun dress to hide my problem parts, but settled on a black and white shirt/pants set.

Just when I wanted to fold, just when I wanted to grab a large cheeseburger and some fries (which, if you know me well, I don't eat a lot of beef or fries for that matter), I saw the cover of this month's Ebony Magazine, featuring Jill Scott on the cover. While I did not get a chance to read her article in depth, I noticed how amazing she looked. I am a HUGE Jill Scott fan, anyway. I think she is beautiful, a trendsetter, creative, and uber talented. So, I skimmed through the article and read that she had lost 50 lbs! Amazing! I really don't know how long it took her to lose it, but as a long time follower, I know she has always been on the heavier side. Beautiful, nonetheless. I found myself wondering what was her breaking point? What was her inspiration? What's the name of her trainer?lol.  Then, I had an epiphany. I still lost over 30 pounds. I am still pretty darn cute. I can still do this!

So, as I embark on my first of two family reunions for the summer, I hope to stay strong amidst the yummy food and make health-conscience choices for my benefit. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers!


WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still the same as the last entry :( But not any heavier :)

7 Pounds, 7 days: What is going through my head?!

Okay, for all intensive purposes, I must warn you that this week's blog may not make a lick of sense. I found it hard to come up with a topic this week. This has been such an interesting week as far as my life is concerned. I finally got some much needed sleep, after suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome since my son's birth. Though having the cortisone shots nearly killed me the 1st night, the subsequent nights have been wonderful. Not one time did I wake up with intense, numbing pain in my hands. I had the priviledge of attending a  relationship seminar hosted by my church, featuring Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The "Love and Respect" seminar based off of his highly acclaimed book, is really blessing my marriage just by changing my thought process on communication within a marriage.  So, I am feeling pretty empowered right about now because my body and mind have been renewed in different ways. I am having a very positive outlook at this moment.

Somehow, my mind drifted to the movie "Seven Pounds" featuring Will Smith over the weekend. Although the intent of the movie was good, I thought it made absolutely no connection between the title and the actual movie(or did I miss something?). I mean did his organs weigh seven pounds before he gave them away? Did the jellyfish he reminisced about weigh seven pounds? I mean I just didn't get it. And although I know he was grieving over the loss of his wife in the accident, I just didn't understand why he felt the need to kill himself by torturing himself in a bathtub full of ice and jellyfish before his organs were generously given away. Yeah, and it was so romantic that his heart went to his new love!(NOT!!!)  Maybe I am just not that deep. But I digress...

However, the number seven  is a great number. It means completion. God made the world as we know it in seven days. I don't think it was a mistake that this number is referenced several times throughout the bible. Then, I thought about the number "10". It means perfection. Think of the phrases,  "A perferct ten", "I give it a score of 10 out of 10", and so on. Just now while writing this, I thought "Wow, I am not perfect, but I am complete". In the midst of my journey to a healthier me, I realized God has made me completely capable, completely confident, completely beautiful in his image and completely disciplined. I am still going to be whole, even if I am not a size 2. I have realized that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes what the world perceives as "perfect" (i.e the perfect look, the perfect size, your Halle Berrys, Kim Kardashians, what ever other person society pegs in this category), may not always be complete. I would much rather be a complete person striving for perfection, then a "perfect" person striving for completion. The only being that ever exhibited both perfection and completion to me is Jesus Christ. He was/is flawless and whole. I am a christian, which means "christ-like". I ain't perfect, nor will I ever be. But through Christ's perfection, I am made whole(or complete). I can strive to be like him everyday. In my efforts to be like more like him, I will be blessed. The same concept applies to weight loss for me. In my effort to be a healthier me, I may not always hit the mark. However, working hard will yield positive results.

For those of you who have reached the end of this blog and did not get side tracked by my randomness, I would like you to know that I did lose over 2 lbs this week!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 31 lbs...Yipee!!!

The Problem Parts

It's funny how when you go to family gatherings, you notice physical resemblances between relatives, even ones that don't really look like you. Somehow, being in a room filled with people from the same genetic pool helps you to discover your identity even more. A few months ago, we were all gathered at my grandmother Louise's home after her funeral. There was so much love in that house, as well as a lot of good food, and laughter. I also noticed that there were a lot of hips! I remember my grandmother speaking to me on several occasions about her younger years. She and her two sisters were well known for their figures. The Wilson Sisters.

Looking around the house, I saw evidence of their reputations still living in their offspring. The women in my family are beautiful: different shades of Black, different personalities, different sizes. However, there a few commonalities among us: we were all blessed with hips, butt and thighs that won't quit. It is quite hilarious to me that the areas I have the hardest time toning are the same areas that made my grandmother and her sisters, on a small scale, famous. Kim Kardashian ain't got nothing on the Wilsons! The past two weeks have been absolutely frustrating, I am the same weight. I found myself looking at my Wilson parts, and sometimes asking "Why won't you just go away?" Well, you can't get rid of genetics, no matter how hard you try. Even the skinniest women in my family are still bootylicious. So why did I foolishly think that these parts of my body would just disappear?

Well, yet again, I am looking over my diet and work out plan. I have decided that I need professional help. Not the psychiatric kind, but I would really like a nutritional consultant and personal trainer. I hope that there are ones that understand the uniqueness of my situation. I want to be able to pay homage to my heritage, keep the girlie parts that make me so special,  but still lose weight in a healthy way. Believe me, I have been to the point that I really want to give up. I am at work, and all week we have all these unhealthy free lunches. My husband still eats whatever he wants. I past by all my favorite food places on the way home. I don't get a lot of sleep, so that is more time for me to be up and hungry. Yet, I am going to push on. I can make it over this hump, I just might not lose the hump in the back!

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: Still just 28 lbs...keeping it moving!

Giving God Control, Dreaming Bigger and Gettting Smaller

Well, today church was just awesome! We are starting a new series on relationships called "Mr. and Mrs. Better Half".While most of what pastor Furtick said related to relationships between men and women, there was one phrase he said that I felt related to me and how I see myself. When it comes to what I want for my life I need to "speak to my destiny".  I need to bring my destiny to life by being positive that God will allow a change to manifest because I allow Him the control through being faithful.

I am a control freak, and I get easily stressed by situations that I am not able to control. Like just yesterday, I was in a hurry to leave the hair salon to get to work, and freakishly backed my car into a tree that was in the middle of the parking lot. The impact shattered the glass and mangled the frame of my SUV's back door. Okay, well I could have controlled this situation by watching where I was going. However, the fact that it had already happened was not under my control. All I could do was deal with the consequences and have faith that I would come out of the situation on top.

As the day unfolded, I felt overwhelmed, almost hysterical because of the shear stupidity of the accident. It took a couple of good friends to remind me that maybe this was God's way of telling me to slow down. When I am moving at full speed, I have difficulty seeing what it is that God is trying to do in my life. This pertains to just about everything: my marriage, my friendships, my job, my finances, my child. Although in all natural circumstances, I am able to control my weight, a huge part of keeping my weight in check is surrendering to the will of God. I was not able to do this whole heartedly throughout my life.  God wants me to be healthy, strong and productive. The best way to serve God most effectively is feeling your best first!

So, I am fully committed to dreaming bigger, speaking life, in order to get smaller. This weekend has taught me that I need to slow down and focus on the big picture. I dream of one day being able to look at myself and completely love what God has created. I am not saying that you have to be smaller in order to love your self, but in my situation I feel that I have to love myself in order to reach my goal of being smaller.


THIS WEEK'S WEIGHT LOSS: 1 lb...not much, but it is still a loss! Total of 28 lbs!